Here’s something people sometimes. . .well most of the time, don’t like. Change. It’s inevitable. Just by virtue of being alive creates change. I guess the real culprit of change is what changes. If it’s a good change, we’re okay with it, but some change isn’t so welcome.
Getting older doesn’t bode well for change in many lives. I have been very fortunate to have as few ills as can be expected by some. Oh, I’m dealing with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and general aches and pains associated with growing old, but overall, I’m feeling pretty decent.
I know some about my age, who are tremendously tried in one health issue or another. Heart, kidney, lungs infested with cancer and so on are not diseases I look at lightly. Any of these can be the early end of an otherwise productive life.
My middle brother died the day after my birthday a year ago this past week from lung cancer. He’d always been a hard working man. He lived life in a way that had people looking to him as a fill in dad, uncle or whatever they saw as a kind, caring and compassionate individual. He helped many by being a friend, confidant and took no judgmental thought to whoever they were. Mike could always be depended upon for help.
I could go on about Danny or Timmy, who have both passed on. Jamie or “Tad” as we called him when he was young is still here and living in Hawaii. He feels life has given him a new home there and I understand. He’s not judged for who or what he lives by. That’s where he should be. He is the Omega of the five brothers. I am the Alpha.
What I’m really after is this. If I write about myself please bare with me. It’s how I adjust and view the changes in my life. It helps me to keep things in perspective.
For thirty-seven years I was married. By law I still am, but by the heart and Spirit of God I’m not. Please don’t be judgmental about this. We had a very liberal judge in our proceedings towards divorce who thought I should part with more of my income than is justifiable. Even the appellate attorney I consulted agrees the judge overstepped his bounds by denying me my Constitutional rights to pursue said divorce by taking so much of my rightful income making it so I am unable to financially subsist if I file for a final decree. The cost of fighting for my right was too prohibitive and lengthy for me to do so as well with the court of appeals. I made a statement that I committed adultery to cut costs as well, which was not supposed to be used in the finality of the trial, but was apparently used weightily against me. Remarks that were said by me were taken out of context by the judge without any questioning of me on the stand as to the veracity of what was said.
To put it mildly I was overly punished for what was done without any answers to my questions of what happened on the other side of the coin, so to speak. I hold no need for retribution, punishment or otherwise towards my ex-spouse or what she has had done to me. I have presented myself before God and man and I have been forgiven and I am justified to pursue life as it is. It is not my choice to live with the woman I love and care for in the manner we do. We are bound by the laws of the state to have to live this way until something changes. Change. That word again.
Okay, let’s “change” the subject. I had an epiphany this past week. It’s a change I knew was coming and toyed with it for the last two or three years, but now it’s going to become a reality. I picked up my retirement package this week. I have set a date of 31 December of next year. I have six months or so from now to acclimate to the next change. In July of next year the package will begin to move forward. Reality of this change is causing reassessment of who I am and what am I to do.
Another change has occurred as of yesterday. I’ve also toyed with this idea of my home and property. It is a two acre yard and I do enjoy working in it, but age is creeping up on me now and I’m not getting as much done anymore as quickly as I would like. I have to pace myself. Two acres is going to become too much for me to maintain. I must downsize.
There’s a brick home about a mile from here that’s for sale and Libby and I have been eyeing it for a few months now and yesterday we decided it was time to look at it closer. It’s a small three bedroom, one bath with carport home and a detached garage big enough for what we need. The yard is about a half acre with drainage around one side. It was very well maintained by the previous owner and appears to be in solid condition. The price is very reasonable, so we have as of this morning put in a bid on the home and have been preapproved. Moving to this home will give Libby and I something that we can call our very own, as the home I’m in now was from my previous life. This new home is perfect with good neighbors around us. Mary Ann and Roy Metts live right across the road and she was all over it when we told her a while back we were kind of interested in buying this house. It’s a very well maintained neighborhood as well. Very well manicured lawns and such by every owner along this road is par for the course. The church we attend is within walking distance and the new Walmart going up is just up on the end of the road across Hwy 258 from this house. And the biggest thing for me is that there is no HOA. I hate HOA’s.
The house payments you ask? Let’s say it’s half the average house payment for most people. The estimated payment is about the same as I’m paying now. That’s not bad.
Change is ultimately going to have to happen. No matter what we or anyone else has to say about the matter. What can happen is that we play a part in the change to the best of our ability.