Broken

I Cor 11:24
And when he had given thanks, he brake it, and said, Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me.
Jesus spoke the words for his disciples and all of us to do as a way of remembering his sacrifice to the World.  The gift of His salvation through the beatings, condemnation, crucifixion and resurrection and finally His Ascension have re-established our rights as was those of the first Adam.  All we are required to do is to eat of Him, the Way, the Truth and the Life.  This, of course, in the natural is figurative, but spiritually of a truth.
John 14:6
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
There is no more sacrifice other than what He gave.  The sacrifice of His own body and blood are the final say in all things forward from that day.  The following reference for sacrifice speaks of a slain animal or as defined properly it states the victim or the act, which is a noun or verb.  But I want to use this coming verse in another facet of what God is looking for in us as His people.
Psalms 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
A broken spirit, a contrite heart.  Just what are we seeing here?  The word broken comes from the Hebrew  as defined as to burst (literally or figuratively):–break,  brokenhearted, bring to the birth, crush, destroy, hurt, quench, tear.
I’m drawn to the phrase “bring to birth”  We often speak of the impending birth of a child with the breaking of the water.  This water has to break before a birth can occur.  Is this a facet that can be applied to a broken spirit cannot be fully birthed until the water has broken that surrounded it during its incubation period?  I see in this the Holy Spirit surrounds us in our formative state prior to birth protecting us till the time we are ready to enter into the world spiritually.
Not only is the heart broken, but also contrite.  Contrite means to collapse (physically or mentally):- break (sore), contrite, crouch.  The Greek counterpart means to crush to pieces.
As a young man in my late twenties, after a year of depression, I found I had to seek God and a Kairos moment.  Kairos is a Greek word that describes a decisive moment or determined decision.  I didn’t know what that meant at that time, but I knew the gist of it.  One day I decided to fast for a week.  Not the kind of fast of no food, but a fast from outside influences.  One day of the seven I did a food fast, but the rest was from media of any kind.  All I did was pray, read the Bible and study what I read with whatever references I required.
At the end of this week long fast I was only able to attend the Sunday evening service since I was working 12/8 shift.  When the pastor finished up the message an altar call was made.  I’m not sure if this was the service or not, but I do remember I wanted to be sure of my salvation and step forward, but God spoke to me quite pointedly that I was indeed saved and why would I want to do that.  I held my place at my seat.  That likely came to mind that evening after fasting if not at the time this happened.  After church I had to go home and prepare for work.  I was feeling very unsettled in my heart for some reason.
On my way to work I got to the Cape Fear Memorial Bridge and a sudden horrific realization of the void inside me that seemingly had previously been filled by God was no longer there.  In time I realized this must have been what Jesus felt in fullness when He cried out upon the cross.

Matthew 27:46

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama  sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

For a moment as my car was upon the bridge I felt to attempt to run my car over the rail into the Cape Fear River, because the void was so real I could not imagine living the rest of my life without the presence of God in it.  I began to cry uncontrollably.  I managed to get to work.  I wiped my eyes as best I could and went in.  I felt I should go back home, so I went to my supervisor and told him I was not feeling well.  He took one look at me and said I did not look so good and I should go home.  I left.
I got home.  Put my car away in the garage.  My wife, at the time, came to see why I was back home.  She sat on the couch and I laid my head on her lap and cried uncontrollably once more.  After a bit she simply looked at me and said this was for me to figure out and she went back to bed and left me there.  After a bit more time had passed I knelt down in front of my couch, with my arms on the cushions and looked up to where I supposed God to be and started to pray, but instead words not of my own understanding came out of me.  My whole body became energized with the power of God like never before.  When it subsided a bit I rushed to the bedroom to tell my wife, but she was asleep and upon awakening she seemed so disconnected from what I was experiencing.  That didn’t lessen my experience, though.
This experience has the 20/20 hindsight of knowing that up till that time I was not broken.  My heart was in need of just the very thing described in Psalm 51.  My obedience to God to fast for a week brought me down.  I’ve never had a day since that I cannot speak to God or He to me and not feel I was not heard or could hear.
This is what you can have when you allow God to break you.   But you have to be willing.  I put my hands up like a criminal when he surrenders to the police.  I gave up my own will for His will.  I was broken.
But was that the end of the breaking?  No.
In my mid fifties, I can only describe then until I was sixtieth year as my mid-life crisis.  I went through separation, made bad decisions, and generally forgot who I was.  I remember sitting in the sound booth at church one evening as I was running sound for the service.  I looked out over the congregation and realized I didn’t feel I knew why I was there, but this I did know.  Once upon a time I was there to be, but I had come to a place where all I there for was to do.  I was basing my walk with God on what I could do for Him and all he wanted was for me to be.
I crashed shortly afterward.  Burnt completely out.  No more rhyme or reason for who I was.
I was not only separated from my wife at the time, but also from God.
Judges 7:19-25

19 So Gideon, and the hundred men that were with him, came unto the outside of the camp in the beginning of the middle watch; and they had but newly set the watch: and they blew the trumpets, and brake the pitchers that were in their hands.

20 And the three companies blew the trumpets, and brake the pitchers, and held the lamps in their left hands, and the trumpets in their right hands to blow withal: and they cried, The sword of the LORD, and of Gideon.

21 And they stood every man in his place round about the camp: and all the host ran, and cried, and fled.

22 And the three hundred blew the trumpets, and the LORD set every man’s sword against his fellow, even throughout all the host: and the host fled to Bethshittah in Zererath, and to the border of Abelmeholah, unto Tabbath.

When we allow ourselves to become broken as the vessels seen in the reference verses above, we will see our enemies scattered and killed by their own hand.  We have nothing, but to allow God to act from that time on.

Allow for your breaking.  It is meant to be for your good.  The ensuing peace of God from that breaking will completely overwhelm you.  Fear will not grip you any longer.  Reverence to God will increase and you will come closer to your God.

 

About Jim

I'm a 68 yr old guy, who had worked in Naval Hospital Camp Lejeune for 28 yrs and now retired as of 31 Dec 16. I've worked in medical records, Health Benefits Department, Billing, the IT department and retired as the Personnel Security Manager for the hospital. I'm a musician and Corvette enthusiast. Yes I have one. I'm also searching for a fresh new outlook on life with new spiritual insight among other things. I was ordained a minister on 20190202. I've found that with the unconditional love of my companion, Libby Rowe life is complete through God. She's a beautiful, vibrant, giving woman who gives her all in everything she puts her mind to do. She and I married 24 July 2015. She's also taking the Apprentice course to obtain her ordination as well. She has a blog to called Under a Carolina Moon. Give it a visit.
This entry was posted in Abundant life, Christian, church, Patience, Ponderings, Possibilities, Sobering Thoughts, Spiritual, Spiritual Investments. Bookmark the permalink.

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