Some of you may have never dealt with depression. If you have you will know what the symptoms are

and when they are coming.

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn’t worth living. – Mayo Clinic

I experienced depression in my mid to late 20’s. I didn’t know what it was. I just knew God delivered me from it by proding me to recommit my life to Him. Once that battle was won, I felt as though I had entered a new world.

However, by the time I reach fifty-six years old I found myself suffering from anxiety so badly I was having panic (anxiety) attacks. They were so bad my cardiologist concluded that I’d had a heart attack. After a cardiac cath at Wake Med, the doctor came to give me the results by telling me I had not had a heart attack, but that I needed to learn to relax and lower my anxiety levels. That worked for a while.

Then at the age of fifty-eight, I had a major meltdown. I’d grown to find myself losing my sense of direction in life and was making very bad decisions that cost me my marriage, church life and so much of my sanity. I ended up being diagnosed with severe depression with anxiety attacks. I was seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist and was on meds. Then came along the woman who is now my wife. She was the gift God gave me for my recovery.

The strange thing is that working out of my depression found me realizing that the woman that was my first wife was a mistake on my part. I should never have married her. To be brief, way back when I was going with a girl that I loved, but I found to be insatiable and when I was drafted during Vietnam, I was taken away from that bad relationship. Then my first wife was introduced to me as a blind date. I found her to be a haven since her sisters ran wild and lose and she had vowed not to be like them. I concluded that her vow was good for me so I proposed and we married after I got out of service. I never really got to know her well though. I worked jobs that kept us apart most of the time and it wasn’t until my fifties that I began to doubt my young decision. When we separated and I started talking with my psychologist I came to understand my hasty decision as a young man was not good. I know my sons probably don’t like this if they read it, but I can say both of them are upstanding citizens that contribute to society. I can appreciate them far above most of their generation. But that marriage should not have been.

During that depression in my fifties my psychologist called my new woman that became my wife was more like a “shiny new toy” and I would lose interest. I’m not sad to say that she has been with me for going on thirteen years now and I could not do without her. She was not the shiny new toy my psychologist indicated by his opinion. We have a solid relationship. It’s not perfect, but we talk to each other about everything and resolve it one way or the other.

So. When I started writing this post a few days ago, I was feeling depression creeping up on me. Do you know what I did? I got my wife and myself into the car and went to town and did some shopping and did stuff together. Oh. And we talked. It got me out and away from the creeping little foxes that came to steal my joy that morning. The rest of my day was wonderful and I got some things done I had been laying aside for weeks or more.

Never let yourself sit and stew in that pot of depression. Get up and get out there. Do something. Keep yourself busy. You cannot afford to allow your mental state to be eaten alive by evil, negative thoughts. Fight for your life. You can control it. It’s up to you. You create your own destiny and it starts by telling the creepy things to step aside. Talk to God. He’ll tell you the same thing I just told you. Do you know why? Because that’s what He told me.

About Jim

I'm a 72 yr old guy, who had worked in Naval Hospital Camp Lejeune for 28 yrs and now retired as of 31 Dec 16. I've worked in medical records, Health Benefits Department, Billing, the IT department and retired as the Personnel Security Manager for the hospital. I'm a musician and Corvette enthusiast. Yes, I have had two. I traded my second Corvette for a Harley Davidson Fat Boy mid-summer 2019. I've already ridden about seven thousand miles. I'm also searching for a fresh new outlook on life with new spiritual insight among other things. I was ordained a minister on 20190202. I've become certified with the American Chaplaincy Association through Aidan University in June '21. I've found that with the unconditional love of my companion, Libby Rowe life is complete through God. She's a beautiful, vibrant, giving woman who gives her all in everything she puts her mind to do. She and I married on 24 July 2015. She was ordained in February 2022. She has a blog too called Under a Carolina Moon. Give it a visit.
This entry was posted in Ponderings. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.