While talking with my pastor yesterday I was able to grasp something I’ve already realized yet had not verbalized.

I’ve considered myself as OCD for many years. That is not something I self-identified so much as what some who know me have expressed such an issue. My self-awareness began to kick in and I would suppose that summation is true. Everything has to be symetrical. Everything has to have a place. There has to be a strict order and arrangement. If this is not accomplished I am totally lost until I can put all things in a slot somewhere in my thinking.

This leads me to the title of this post. When I used to minister on a more regular basis I was very meticulous in preparation for the alloted time I would have to teach or preach. I would try to follow the notes I prepared. I always felt God showed up in the moment, but something was lacking. At this point in life I have found something that has caused me to change. I told my pastor I no longer feel to prepare a message. It comes from my own intellect via the direction God would give me. A deeper delivery of a message now has become something different.

I think of it in the term of “free-wheeling”, but it’s not. I’ve a lot of life-experience to lean on now with age. One thing I’d rather do is to shut down my mind when I stand to minister and allow God to speak directly through me. I’ve learned to combine the principles of the Word with what has been written on my heart. God has given me understanding that can be expounded upon without thumbing through meticulous notes.

Learn to speak from your heart. In your walk with God you become more like Him. Learning is one thing, but becoming is an entirely different avenue for us. My heart is for Him, about Him and towards Him. I’m more inclined to say what He says as I get older. Delivering a message from a pulpit that was prepared by me is making me a middle man. To listen for God to speak and allow my vessel to be the conveyance takes me out of the way for Him to speak directly to other. It’s isn’t me speaking. Listen for God in the vessel.