Livin' Small

I don’t make resolutions.  Any changes in my life started last year when it counted. I know that I have gradually built up expression of my faith over the most of last year. I’ve seen people who burst on the scene with fervency or zeal, if you will, and become shooting stars. I’ve always had faith in God. I let it wane due to circumstances. No more. The future, that started last year, is to build back upon the foundations inside me.

I once sat in the sound booth at PTM and ruminated on the loss of why I was there. I concluded that it was because I became heavy on doing instead of being. The Lord has blessed me with fresh new life. I don’t intend to take that lightly and squander it.

I want to walk out the path God has given me.  He has given me a wife who is like-minded.  We shall walk together.  Our connection is strong.

No longer shall we wander like the Israelites did for forty years in the wilderness, because of their unbelief.  The Promised Land lies ahead.  We shall walk towards it and shall see the Jordan parted, even though at flood stage, to allow passage there.

Once over, there are still battles to be fought, but God is with us.  If you intend to make a resolution, do you intend to continue to wander, or do you intend to find your place and walk towards your promise?

I just read a post on Facebook where someone said they were tired of people saying there was a new year coming with people who say they will turn a new leaf and be a new person.  This person declared to all that no one had to worry.  He was going to be the same ole crass person next year as much as he was this year  I’m putting it politely.

I know it was a tongue-in-cheek comment, but think about how many people are actually like that.  No ambition, so direction, just following what’s hot in the moment.

I can’t live that way.  I have to move forward in the passing of time whether it’s a new year or not.  I’m blessed with a relationship with God.  I have a wonderful wife who has the most open spirit of anyone I know.  She wants all of God she can scoop up.

This new year finds me retired, but aside from that it’s only a change of responsibilities.  I left one set of them for another.  The challenges of life are still present.  Circumstances are still rolling in and like tests when I was in school I have to learn in them and pass through them on to a newer bigger challenge or test.

When I was a young man I would have been crushed under the weight of some of the things I’ve had to encounter in the progression of my years.  Smaller tests became bigger tests and learning how to handle them by seeking God’s answer and applying the direction made me stronger in the passing of time.

I did things as a young man that should have gotten me some serious trouble, but God covered me.  Looking back I see how much He covered me.  That’s why today I know I’m blessed.

I have watched certain people struggle with life.  I watch them fall by their own circumstance.  I’ve listened to some who tried to justify why they did what they did at the time, but failed miserably and later on paid a dear price for those inept decisions.  Some I know their background and know why they did some of the things they did.  They had no one to show them the right way to do things in life.  They were hobbled from their youth.

I’ve watched young people walk away from bad situations only to walk right back into them and then get a double portion of the same test again.  I can’t tell people what to do unless they ask for help.  Have you ever tried to give unsolicited advice?  Most times it doesn’t work, but if they were to sit down and honestly open up to me or someone who has walked like I have we could help avoid serious life mistakes.

I know that perhaps I should use the “Don’t touch fire, it burns” type of advice, but a child will be hell-bent on finding out for themselves.  I prefer to be like the husbandman of the orchard.  I will not pick fruit before it’s time.  I have to know they are ready for the pickin’.  Then I know what I say will embed itself in their spirits as seeds in the ground.  Then what comes of it is a more flourishing crop.  Be wise, but have wisdom when to speak.

So, who are you going to be this coming year?  Are you going to proclaim another empty resolution?  Or are you actually going to put yourself to the test?

Alas, I wait but for the one last day of work as I have known it for 27 yrs, 5 months and 29 days.  Don’t laugh.  I only know that count from the Civil Service HR that sent me a run down of my career status. for retirement processing.

Okay. Let me just reminisce for a moment as I sit here one day away from retirement.   That’s not to mention an entire seeming array of jobs I had before that.

Second place goes to DuPont with a little over 8 years at the plant in Brunswick county mostly as a Yarn Spinning Operator.  I was also a Utility Operator and a Baler/Cutter Operator on the creel side.

Third goes to the Bike and Surf Center in Jacksonville with five years.  The smaller jobs were starting out with Daniel’s Construction as a carpenter apprentice, changing over to Field Engineer on three jobs.  The last two with them ending me up in Wilmington.   In the middle of the construction work I spend two years in the Army.  I also attempted to sell life, accident and health insurance for a year with Western-Southern Life.

DuPont came after the insurance job.  After about six months in with DuPont there was a downturn in business and I was laid off for five months and then called back.  During that time I worked for Crowder Construction as their Chief Field Engineer.  It was a good paying job, but the boss was a tyrant.  The job site was Federal Paper Plant down in Riegalwood (Acme-Delco area), NC.  I was required to undress in the garage before entering the house when I got home from work because of the smell on my clothes.  Then I had to shower before dinner.   

I left DuPont not long after moving to Richlands and started my ReCycle Shop doing bicycle repair.  Then came the Bike and Surf Center.  The owner there was more than a tyrant there. 

After that came the list of other jobs that were short lived.  I worked for AutoZone.  The only job I ever got fired from.  The District Manager and I didn’t see eye to eye.  I later learned he got fired, too, so I figured we’re even.  I worked for Holsum Bakery and for a short stint I was their District Route Manager.  In between the year there, I worked for Kinston Wholesale Grocery driving a tractor trailer, where I got my license to drive rigs.  But after I got back to Holsum I found it wasn’t so much of an up and coming opportunity.  The Fox family that owned it was crooked as a stick.  It was then when I got a letter from the Department of the Navy to come in for an interview and ended up accepting the job in Civil Service in Outpatient Medical Records.

The rest is the 27 yrs, 5 months and 29 days.

There is so much to tell before that as a young man growing up on a farm.  My dad worked hard to grow crops and it appeared from what I remember he was good at planting crops and was blessed with bountiful growth.  I remember corn stalks seven to eight feet tall.  Tobacco that grew at least six feet tall and leaves so heavy when the dew settled on them the would break off the stalk from their own weight.  We lived off of the food he planted in garden after garden.  Meat from hogs and chickens.  Hunting season it was deer meat and sometimes squirrel.  I’m sad to say though that after all my years of thinking I was in a normal family I found many things in want.  My mom apologized to me long after dad died for his favoritism of another brother over me, the oldest.

Let me just wander.

I was a farm hand.  I started out driving a Farm-All Cub at 7 yrs old.  I hauled fertilizer to the field on a farm truck by 10 years old.  I tended over 13 acres of soy beans on my own with that Cub tractor at 13.

I hunted on my own until Danny, my brother and my best friend Dwight were old enough to hunt with me.  We three and a bunch of others from the neighborhood worked the tobacco fields a couple of summers with Hobert Walker.  Working in a tobacco field will make anyone appreciate jobs later on in life, which were a far cry better, I don’t care what it was.  Back in those days students drove the school buses and I wasn’t left out on that.  I drove bus routes for two and a half years.  A grown adult driving a bus back then was as rare as hen’s teeth unless you counted activity bus drivers.

So.  From seven years old till now makes my work career a long one, but it isn’t over.

In all those years I was as faithful as I knew how to my God, my church and leadership.  I respected them and worked in the ministry as a deacon, care pastor, printing plant manager, IT systems manager as well as a musician, playing drums in the church worship team for 25 years.  Overall I was very active for over 30 years in ministry.  Oh yes.  I tripped up and fell on occasion, but I’m no quitter.  The last fall almost got me.  Depression and anxiety attacks took their toll as well as a doomed marriage, but still I got back up, asked forgiveness and God has given me a wife and a church to call my own and my place to be.

I choose life.  I feel in all my working career I have been tried, but blessed.  When darkness loomed, light abounded.  When disease reared its ugly head, the Healer stepped on it.  He always heard my cry and answered.

This is for young adults.  Never give up.  Take circumstances as challenges.  Over come them with the Word and the Spirit.  Prove God to others through your life and you’ll never lack.  If you feel you’re sinking, stand up, you’ll probably find the water isn’t all that deep.  Let the mountain become the mole hill.  The journey of a Christian is rooted in relationship with God.  Make that a priority.

My work-a-day world ends tomorrow, but it doesn’t end my life.  That is still vital and wanted by someone.  My wife first in this life after God.  I already have a calm inside me that surpasses all else.  God has spoken to me this Word.  Don’t worry son.  I have this.

I started an Instagram account.  Never had one before.  They ask you to put in a bio.  Well I learned you have to do it in 150 characters or less.  Man, I can’t even get my fingers ta workin’ on the keyboard in so few strokes.  It went thusly:

Son of a dirt farmer from the 50’s. I speak fluent red-neck and can write it, too. Retired and finding new direction. I have a loving, beautiful wife, Libby, who I proudly take with me to make me look good.

Now, you tell me, how am I going to do a bio that covers sixty six years in 150 characters or less?  There’s always something goin’ on despite the fact that sometime I just don’t do anything.  Even doing nothing requires something.  Keeping yer eyelids closed, legs crossed or uncrossed while you nap on the recliner couch.  Arranging my four dogs around me so they have their nappin’ spot assigned so we’re all comfortable.  Gittin’ up to pee.  Reassembling said dogs back to their respectable places.  Oh, I had to make sure I have my Sun Drop on the end table in case I snore my throat dry.

So, what am I doin’ this week that would be more than what I’d do at work?  Well, I actually cooked some boneless chicken thighs in a mix of Alfredo sauce with a little bit of wine.  I’ll mix in some broccoli this afternoon for some green stuff.  By the way, the diet I’m on is doing me some good.  Unofficially, I’m not diabetic anymore.  Sugar readings for the last three months have been normal.  Weight is down from 222 to 182 and I’m lovin’ it.  I actually have more energy now to the point I find napping a chore.  It’s hard to take a nap with more energy to burn.  I did the above yesterday while I stir-fried asparagus spears and grilled two nice thick steaks for me and my baby for when she got home.

Spent my whole life yesterday afternoon and this morning activating our two new phones. Apparently Verizon had to reset our PIN #’s, which I had no idea at all what they were. Once I got them reset it seems a snap. Straight Talk with Verizon as the carrier. No more contracts. I’m done with that.

While in the midst of all that I had an attack of CDO.  That’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I just can’t stand the letters out of order.  Me desk needs cleaning, but I sat here till it passed.  It’s still cluttered.  I need shelving folks.  Bad.

Another thought ran through my mind about Libby asking me if everyone in my family was preachers.  Go figure.  I’m ADHD, too.  I found from research that there are a lot of my family who preached and even some who  didn’t answer the call.  That answered my question why their lives weren’t so long and prosperous on the latter ones.

I guess I should get up and take a shower.  How random do you want me to get with this post anyway?  I can change subjects faster than a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck.

Oh, by the way.  What’s the reason for the saying I posted in the picture above?

Now, how’s that for a post?

As the end of another year comes and goes, I’m still reminded of the one sentence Jesus spoke at the end of His time on the cross.  “It is finished.”

We were all forgiven for everything we’ll ever do so long as we remain or return to our first love, that being for God.

I’ve spent the last eight years from severe depression/anxiety attacks to probably the most sane period in my entire life.  Unless you’ve experienced it yourself, you can’t imagine it.  The panic attacks came long before the separation and all of this came to a head just after.

Manning up to problems?  I wouldn’t wish these kinds of things happen to you or anyone else.  Being in the hospital after being told you have had a heart attack likely started that road to hell for me.  That, and the fact that while experiencing this, people looked at me like I was inconveniencing them from their life.   Thank God I asked for prayer, because I honestly feel God healed my heart from any deformity that would have shortened my life.  I’m not totally free from issues, but I am overcoming them.

I’ve said it many times about what my dad told me back in the 80’s.  For those who don’t know, he said I’d most likely be dead by age 60.  I turned 66 this year and I can still work a pretty decent day’s work for my age.  I’ve kept myself to the doctor when my blood pressure acts up and I’m fighting diabetes so much so with diet alone and have had great success with it.  It’s taken a lot of resources to do so, but I’ve done well.  Medication, exercise, diet and most of all a positive outlook with God first and my wife second has made an excellent approach to my well being.

That second thing will be questioned.  Why didn’t the first marriage work?  I don’t have an answer to that.  When she attempted to leave me twice during our marriage I took it upon myself to plead that we talk it through.  She stayed, but the contention was too much.  As for my on indiscretions, I am sure it hurt several people, but I’ve found many more than that that told me different.  No need to argue the point anymore after all these years.  I’ve only hoped for her best.  My concern is she hasn’t let hatred go, nor has my sons.  There is no unfettered conversation from the past.  There’s only guarded conversation at best and that with only one of them.

I’m sure someone would say I have ulterior motives, but honestly I do not wish her to be lonely the remainder of her life.  We all need someone to confide in and love.  These two things are healing for the spirit, soul and body.  Anything less will only make for an earlier demise.  She needs someone to call her mate.  That’s not me, but I do believe there is one for her.

My youngest came to Libby’s and my wedding.  They got to see firsthand what has happened in our lives.  What Libby and I have is something I cannot dismiss.  At this point in life, outside of God, she is everything to me.  She and I have long conversations.  We share what is going on inside ourselves.  We’ve both been touched by God and we’ve asked forgiveness of anything in or of our past from Him and He has blessed us.

God recently told us it’s time to move on.  I’ve not been in a church of the level I’m accustomed to in at least ten years until three weeks ago.  This new church instantly became home to us.  I didn’t seek it out by accident.  God said it was time for Libby to step up and showed us a church that is strong.  There are several seasoned ministers in this house.  The pastor is strong in Him.  He has a very approachable heart and he doesn’t mind reaching out.  This church is really the best I’ve ever seen anywhere near here, or anywhere for that matter.

That is no derogatory statement against where we’ve been the last four years.  I’ve gotten to know many good people in that church and I cherish friendships with those people.  God had us there for a reason and a season, but now was our time to move on.  My neighbor is a pastor that came out of this same church and now he has his own flock yet still has his ties in this church.  God moves as He sees fit.

This last season of my life is upon me with my retirement, but I don’t believe the closing curtain is close at hand.  I’ve felt the urge to minister again.  Libby has reached the stage where I find her hungry for God and in the new church we have both heard God speak.  She doesn’t want to miss a single service.  When the worship starts her hands are raised into the air and her mouth is filled with praise.  She weeps from His presence and she is literally soaking up all she can.  We both received a Word from the pastor that we were not there by accident and we would become vital members of the body there.  I believe this.

I could have fretted much over how retirement will be financially and of course I started to analyze it in the beginning, but God also stopped me along the way and put a huge chunk of peace in my heart over it and spoke to me that He was taking care of it.  I have literally given it up to Him to do as He has spoken.  I believe our new church has a huge part in this.  Don’t know how or why.  I just know.  I’m not easily excited, but even Libby has noticed that I am just that . . . excited.

I find it hard for me to let my sons go, but God said to stay my course.  He will deal with them.  My home, heart and life are open to them anytime they want to come see me and spend quality time with Libby and me and get to know how God uprights lives from the dismal times of the past.  For a while I thought it was my own mental state that caused me not to want to converse with them until recently.  Then I find that it’s God holding me from speaking to them.  They’ve got to realize I’m here and I still love them.  So, until then I will obey God.

I will wind this up with something I say a lot about.  I’ve found a love in a woman, who without a strong Christian walk most of her life, knew and practiced unconditional love.  When we met it was under less than desirable circumstances and we both gave each other the freedom to walk away and go fix our respective marriages, but after a while we found our marriages were at their end and strangely we both felt God was bringing us together.  We walked lightly as we began to build something knowing it could be for naught, but after what I felt was a million times of questioning God I only got one answer, the same answer every time.  “You will marry this woman.”  I can only say I would hope others would understand, but yet I know life isn’t so kind coming from some people.  I’ve resigned to that fact and let God take it.  I just know what God said.  He’s proven his voice to me through many years of hearing from Him and seeing His Words bear fruit.

Don’t let life cheat you out of relationship with someone you love(d).  Make it right if God speaks to you.  If it doesn’t work out then realize God has something else in mind.

I have two immediate instances I’ve experienced where I was glad I did go see or say something to two people.  Both died not long after.  I’m glad for having the time of fellowship with them.  I’ll never regret knowing them.

My heart is now clear.  It’s up to you now.  God says “It is finished” and that’s all I need to know.

If I could say but just one thing

It would be to say I love God totally

His gift to me is the greatest of all,

His Son who died and gave His life.

It makes me grateful for each day

To wake up to a brand new way.

I’m sane, in my right mind

And bless Him for the life I have.

I thank him for the woman he gave me

Who loves me unconditionally

His love to me through her shines

Her hands in the air giving Him praise.

Bless her Lord continually

She just gives it away so freely.

She’s a blessing to many.

She can’t help it.

He made her that way.

Franklin Graham’s statement 20160729 after the closing night of the Democratic Convention.

Last night at the DNC, Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton said that America faces a “Moment of Reckoning.” I agree—but maybe on a different level. No question, this election is critical to the direction of America’s future. But as a nation we have turned our back on God; we’ve allowed the things of God and His Son Jesus Christ to be increasingly removed from the public sphere. Unless we turn to Him, there will be a serious Day of Reckoning. We should desire God’s favor, not provoke His judgment. He’s the One who can heal our hearts—and our land—if we turn to Him in repentance and faith. The Bible says, “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord” (Psalm 33:12).

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I have something I want to add to this.  I have come to learn through my studies that God isn’t actually the one who executes judgment.  Judgment is based solely on the individual by the method of sowing and reaping.  God set up principles to live by.  Good or bad, if you commit to or against a principle it will work itself in your life.  What you get out of it is how you go about working that principle.

Since grace now abounds, I don’t think God turns his back on people.  I don’t even think He’s provoked to execute judgment.  He silently watches as we either work His will or our own and allows those principles to execute blessing or cursing accordingly.  His principles work.  He set them in place.  He has given us the privilege of knowing what they are with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  The onus is on us to either abide by those principles or deny them.  Either way the principle will stand.  Judgment is executed by our own volition.

This nation, that is full of Christians, has allowed minority groups to cry aloud for their rights.  We’ve stood by and done absolutely nothing.  The heathen has worked their principles until we have lost ours by no action on our part.  So what is happening?  We allowed these minorities to dominate our society until we no longer have values such as prayer in schools, the right to exercise our religious freedom of the Christian faith.  We’ve allowed politicians to tell us what the government will do to or for us if we don’t obey them.  Who are they, but representatives of us?  Don’t we stand to have them eliminated from office if they fail to hear us?  Most all of the leadership we have today in this country have only their self-interest at heart.  Their heart.  They live on power, greed and numerous other “trips”.  It’s all come down to a self-serving government that subsists on its people for what it can get out of us.  We’ve let them rule us.  We are reaping a principle on ourselves.  God has open arms and blessing awaiting, but we are doing nothing to open that window for them to come down on us from.

People, evil cannot subsist on its own.  Evil self-destructs without something to feed upon.  Do you feel something eating at you?  Don’t just talk about it.  Do something about it.

I sit here tonight thinking of something that came to mind this afternoon.  This country has fought for freedom from tyranny, division and two world wars, then a “conflict” and then we lost heart.  The heart of an American is one that knows no defeat.  It is one that fights to the end not only for itself, but every soul about the left and right.  But I speak of the past.

Starting with the Korean conflict and then the Vietnam War Americans clung to their attitude of victors for the lost and down trodden.  I was among those drafted into the military during the Vietnam War.  I didn’t know any of the dissenters of this nation.  I only knew my country meant well to free a people in a foreign land of an oppressor that also looked to gain control over the entire world in the form of Communism.

I served my country in the capacity I was called to.  Not in Vietnam, thankfully.  God blessed me among the few who served, but were placed in other areas of expertise in the military.  The draft was a six year commitment, not the just the two years active duty some  think it was.  We were all subject to recall during that time had it been necessary.  So in practical terms I was in the Army from 1970 till 1976.  I was a reservist during those four following years.  I got an inside look at the workings of the military that not many today will see.

Vietnam was a turning point in our history, I believe.  Many liberalistic college students protested against the war.  There were even battles on campuses.  Some died for their cause in places like Kent State.  I’m sorry this kind of thing happened.  But what happened in the minds and bodies of thousands of us who did serve in Vietnam was far worse.

Close to sixty thousand of us died in Vietnam.  The Middle East has seen far less sacrifice than Vietnam.  That is speaking of the ones who died physically, but there are thousands more who died mentally from this war.  What I mean by that is they came home with a skewed mentality of life.  They were never the same person.  They had become someone else.  I saw some of these people up close and personal.  I know who they were before and knew them afterward.

So why am I writing this?  Well, I’m writing this because during and since the Vietnam War the attitude of the true American has waned.  The younger generations have not known war.  True war.  I’m afraid for them.  I’ll say it again.  I’m afraid for them.  And again.  I’m afraid for them.

Politicians started up during the Vietnam War to confuse not the enemy, but our own troops.  The troops were trained to kill the enemy, but politicians played games with war.  They would allow the troops to gain territory and eliminate the enemy and then tell them to retreat and allow the enemy to regain what we had taken in advancements.  It started small back then.  But now it has escalated in to making puppets out of Soldiers, Marines, Air Force and Sailors.  Politicians send them out to play war in political arenas.  Advancements are made only to be given up.  We fight wars now that have no lines of demarcation.  We no longer have “our side” vs “their side”.  You can no longer tell if the man, woman or child next to you is going to kill you at the drop of a hat.  Couple these two factors together and a warrior cannot let their guard down for a single moment when in a territory infested with people who want to see their demise.

We jump forward to a more distinct concern I have.  We have no leaders with military background, nor military instinct.  They think in terms that don’t befit the destruction of the enemy that a warrior is trained to have built into their nature.

Politicians are good for only one thing.  They promise one thing and deliver another.  Bait and switch is the order of the typical career politician.  Most operate now of initiatives that suits their own agenda.  We have politicians who grind out husks of promises to the people they supposedly represent.  Our government is corrupt to the core.  We, the people, have need to stop and examine ourselves as well.  Do we want a country that is great and powerful and recognized throughout the earth and a force to be reckoned with?

If you think so, then the politicians of this nation need to either take heed to the core Americans of this nation and rid it of all factions that divide us.  We must get rid of the sickening leadership pandering to their own wants.  Some blatantly want to destroy the fabric of this nation.  They are in fact treasonous and yet no one in government will hold them accountable.  I believe that is because they, themselves, are corrupt.

I honestly believe there is a core of American people who are not.  We need to stand with whatever options we that that might steer this nation back on course or we will not exist in another generation.  The death of the United States is at hand if action is not taken.  Those memories I see people posting on FaceBook will be nothing more than a memory and it will stop there.  History books in generations to come will be written to the fancy of those who will likely not put a favorable eye on this nation.  You don’t think so?  On one hand we say Rome was a great nation and on another hand we view it as a corrupt nation.  You are the balance of what this nation will weigh in on.  How good are your scales?  Is this a great nation or was it a great nation?