I’ve been separated from my ex for over six years and due to a large amount of obstacles to overcome it’s been impossible to make the goals I set down as reachable. But considering the nature of life I’ve adopted many years ago I’ve learned to work even harder to get there.
I was mixed up in my mind for several years in my mid to late fifties and whether anyone wants to admit it or not I felt totally out of control. I do admit to making several mistakes and I’ve paid for them in full. Depression and anxiety attacks are not recommended for the faint-of-heart. Some of you may even know what I’m talking about.
My marriage was dissolving before my very eyes and although I played my part badly, I was left with several thousand dollars of debt I didn’t create. I still do not have an answer as to how or why it happened. In fact, I had no idea it was happening. It was kept from me by my ex. In all honesty I can’t blame her entirely for it. I had maintained a set of blinders to the situation, not wanting to know what my financial situation was. I would ask was all in order and was told yes. I took her word on it and turned a blind eye.
After we separated I fought hard to get my head back together and found myself in a relationship with another woman that was probably not the best thing to do in some ways only by when it happened more than how it happened.
I had started studying divorce at least a year before I actually left. I just couldn’t see the feasibility of leaving at the time. Libby was more of a catalyst in helping me realize I had to follow through with it. She didn’t steal me, coerce me or anything. Our talks led us to a conclusive agreement that we should both go to our respective places and try to make that work, but over time we found that we could not deal with going back to our spouses.
I knew after counseling I was in need of long-term help and I sought it as much as possible and with medication I have found with time I’m more of a sound individual than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Trying to live with my ex would not have done any good for either of us. I could spend a good while writing about why I know this, but let’s just leave it at that for another time.
Libby came back into my life on a full time basis. I have cried many times on her shoulder and she has always been a comfort to me. Always. Never has she turned me away and is always there when I need her. I have found it very easy for me to love her and be there for her. I can read her like a book. She can say something that reminds me of the lyrics of a song and I’ll sing a bit of it and she’ll join in. Seems she knows all the songs I know. Over time I found I cannot be a day without her. She is my constant companion. If you see me, you see her.
It’s been six years and this past Friday the marriage came to an end in court. It was a simple, procedural function where I swore on the stand that I was agreeing to the terms. In just a minute at most I heard the gavel come down as the judge said “Divorce granted” as I stepped down from the witness stand. I am now a free man again.
It’s my hope my ex can move on with her life and find whatever or who she can lean on for support. In short, she’ll deserve whatever she makes of her life from here on.
The past is just that. The past. Now for a future.
I called Libby and told her all was said and done. When I said I was a free man, I meant it. I freely have taken on the responsibility of Libby. She’s my friend first, then companion, my confidant. Most of all the fore things mentioned equals the sum of what our love for each other is. She is truly my lover.
Instead of all the juicy details of a love life I place here the less intimate things. I enjoy cooking for her. I help her clean house. We have been remodeling the house together. She helps keep the garden cleaned up and I make sure the plants are healthy as possible. I do keep the yard mown and trimmed. She plants flowers and such and “decorates” the yard as well.
Then there are the evenings where we have recorded programs we like from TV. We’ll eat our dinner together and many times she’ll finish and rest her head on my shoulder and lightly snore while I keep tabs on the programs we watch so I can catch her up if need be.
A very, very important thing between us is that we communicate. We talk. We talk all the time. We have early mornings to go to work, so we try to go to bed early, usually by eight or so, but we end up talking some evenings till ten or so. She’s very smart and inquisitive about all aspects of life. She hears God speak and she’ll ask me what I think or can I explain something. I listen to her carefully. I learn from her as well. This aspect of our relationship is a testament of how we’ve come so far and still love each other as it were the first time we met. She has dove into my life wanting to know every detail. She really wants to know how I tick. I can read her like a book. She thinks about everything in depth, yet she can be impulsive. I thought people who analyze things are slower to make a decision, but she’s different this way. It’s not a dig on her. It’s just who she is. I love her just the way she is. I hope she never changes.
So. Why this writing? On the 24th of July 2015, she and I will get married. I’ve learned from past experience that marriage isn’t something to take lightly. It’s not something to jump right into. Come on. We’ve been together for a long time now and I know we’re meant to be together. If I could have changed the past, I would have, but God knows what I needed and all the water under the bridge has gone forever. Today is a new day. Libby. I can’t describe her with words. She just is.
She is to me everything I have ever wanted in a companion. My life event? To marry my partner.