As I’ve reached sixty-five years of age I found some things in life are foolish. One of those things that became foolish to me years ago was trying to make someone realize they were living down a wrong path. I can’t make them change. They’re family after all and should be loved and cherished as family. You should never turn family away no matter how their situation may be to one’s self.

I’d much rather have the relationship of family than to be stiff-minded in my own opinion of how I think. I’ve found I’m only punishing myself. My only remaining brother may read this and he’s welcome to do so. He’s a very intelligent man. He knows what he wants out of life. I am not going to begrudge him as to the way he lives. He should live life to the fullest. I’ve found when I changed my frame of mind to this way of thinking I have freed myself to live my life to the fullest as well. Elsewise I would not be punishing him for something I have no control over anyway.  All I would be doing is punishing myself for being so stiff-necked.

The real reason I sat down to write this isn’t because of him though. It’s because of my eldest son. My youngest son of the two has realized life is too short to cut people out of their life because of differences. He’s a bigger man for allowing circumstances to go behind him and take the productive road in life.

I love both my sons with much love and concern for them. Both need to know that. I don’t hold one in higher esteem than the other. They are both what I consider as contributing members of society. That’s not the case for everyone out there today where the entitlement crowd resides. If you’re not making life better for yourself and others you are a part of the problem. Both I consider to be contributors.

My problems with my former wife are our problems. She highly dislikes me because I didn’t measure up to her standards. For that I’ve apologized many times over. I have not been able to hold a civil conversation with her in years without her rehashing every detail of those shortcomings. She has failed to learn the forgiveness Christ presented to the world. She will say she has and then turn around and hold out my laundry list. I hold no ill will towards her. I really don’t. I do, however, have ought with the courts over how our divorce was handled. It was very biased and untruthful in facts relating to the two of us. The balance was heavily in her favor. Statements were presented that were incorrect and taken for fact. I have questions that were left unanswered. Quite a few to be honest. The judge was a very liberal judge and punished me like I was party to some issue in his own life. I almost feel someone did him wrong in his own life and I became an example for his wrath. My own attorney was stymied by his judgement.

But I digress and get back on track. My eldest has not spoken to me in over six years because it appears he feels I spoke to his wife wrongly as well as divorced his mom. I will take a huge swallow here and say okay, I’ll take the blame here hoping it will renew the relationship with him and his family. I won’t become a rug to be walked on, but I will swallow up all the anger involved with whatever is holding this relationship up.

I’m too old now to worry the small stuff. We’re father and son. That will never change. But this relationship can be repaired and changed to something that can be salvaged. There’s no need for the loss of relationship. I’ve opened my door many times over the past six years and never once received a response. I’m not holding this up. Don’t punish yourself any longer son. I’m here.

You see son, I have your back. I speak only good things of you when people ask me about you. I’ve never spoken evil of you. I never will. Why do you still hold the past against me? Do you not know the love of God and His forgiveness? You should. You were taught it every day in a Christian School. Who has influenced you otherwise? My biggest fear isn’t for myself. It’s for you, son. This will eat you alive, not me. My arms and heart are open to you.

About Jim

I'm a 72 yr old guy, who had worked in Naval Hospital Camp Lejeune for 28 yrs and now retired as of 31 Dec 16. I've worked in medical records, Health Benefits Department, Billing, the IT department and retired as the Personnel Security Manager for the hospital. I'm a musician and Corvette enthusiast. Yes, I have had two. I traded my second Corvette for a Harley Davidson Fat Boy mid-summer 2019. I've already ridden about seven thousand miles. I'm also searching for a fresh new outlook on life with new spiritual insight among other things. I was ordained a minister on 20190202. I've become certified with the American Chaplaincy Association through Aidan University in June '21. I've found that with the unconditional love of my companion, Libby Rowe life is complete through God. She's a beautiful, vibrant, giving woman who gives her all in everything she puts her mind to do. She and I married on 24 July 2015. She was ordained in February 2022. She has a blog too called Under a Carolina Moon. Give it a visit.
This entry was posted in Divorce, Family, Love, Old Age, Ponderings, Spiritual. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. territerri says:

    I hope that your son accepts your invitation to reconcile. It certainly seems to be an issue of many feelings being hurt due to each unique perspective on the situation. I hope that he will be able to realize that and reconcile with you.

    One the other hand, I think you’re a bigger person than me, and this is a tough one for me to read. I will try to take your words to heart, but I know it may take me some time. A huge bitterness has crept into my heart over the past couple of months where one of my brothers is concerned and I quite honestly don’t care to subject myself to him any longer. Conceptually, I understand that forgiveness is more about the one doing the forgiving than the one being forgiven. But I’ve forgiven time and again and it seems that it’s only opened up more opportunities for this brother to hurt me. It’s not that anyone is doing anything consciously hurtful to him. It seems his own lack of self-esteem and sense of inadequacy just causes him to continually say deeply hurtful things to me and our other siblings. I may be able to forgive him from a distance, but don’t care to share the same physical space as him any longer.

  2. Pingback: Stuck | These are Days

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