I had a hard start yesterday morning before church. My sister-in-law had early duties at church and
while there she called and said her car was in the parking lot with a flat. So I proceeded to the church and took the tire off and went to the Walmart that is close by and had a new tire put on because the flat was unrepairable. Then I took it to the house and left the tire. I had put the donut tire on her car to get her home after the service where I would make the change. This tired me out since my 71-year-old body can’t keep up with my mind. It makes me tired and I’ve learned over time to shut down unnecessary functions in my body afterward, but it also seems to slow my mind a bit too.
I made it to church almost forty minutes late, but that didn’t matter. It was like walking into a spiritual fog. God was moving in the service and I knew there would once again for a second week in a row be no preaching. It was just one altar call after another of people coming forward from the voice of God convicting their hearts. Even when Pastor thought it was time to quit he couldn’t and handed the mic to the Associate Pastor to close, but that didn’t happen either. This was about thirty or more minutes past our usual release time. When the Associate Pastor stood up from his keyboards he walked around and then said he could not stop the service yet. He felt there was more. And so it was.
Another round of people came forward under the power of God and He worked in the lives of these as well. We were still there an hour after our normal release time from church. It was a reverential time with God.
I did not feel the need to go to the altar, yet my almost emotionless soul from the morning tire jaunt had not taken away one single sentence that came to me. “I want more of God” came through me as I sat to the side. Seems since getting older and more mature in God I can lock on to the Spirit’s moving and feel most at home there. No altar call can fulfill that lock more than just that very fact. I suppose shutting down the worldly effects around me leaves me more openly tuned to the spiritual realm. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m sure this leaves me open to someone wondering if I’m okay or not, but that to me is okay as well.
God doesn’t cause people to react the same way in every circumstance. Some will indeed become emotional because of His touch, some may not become emotional at all. And that leaves a broad range between to note. I can sit stoically on the outside, yet inside I’m turning over and over one thing after another.
You see, when I reach a point of total contentment with where I am with God I have no need for emotion. It is more like I can just sit and bask quietly in His presence and even smile within myself as I watch God work around me in others. Oh, I have had my time of many tears as I laid upon the altar or as I remember once during a music service I laid behind my drums on the floor and just cried under the move of God so much so I could not get up. So there you go. I’m not totally emotionless. At least I wasn’t back then.
One thing I learned a long time ago after being on a little bit of help from my pharmacology friend sertraline was that the move of the spirit is not contingent on emotions. I learned during this time I can “feel” God without being emotional. This is strange to some of you, but it’s never-the-less true. But on another note, I stopped taking the drug after a time because I wanted to feel my emotions again. I am back to my unadulterated me. I can feel emotions, but they are not necessary to know when God moves.
But yesterday, emotions or not, I felt the need for more of God. Early in my walk, I had an encounter with God where I concluded I could not live another day without His presence in my life. He tested me in this and when it was all said and done, I knew I would not have to live without Him. That laid the foundation to where I am today. I know He’s there, emotions or not.
But still. . . I want more of Him