Transparency

This post isn’t about defeat. It’s about victory. But I must share this for those that think every day is peaches and cream.

I was mostly at fault in an auto accident last Sunday. I made a left turn knowing in my mind I had time to make the turn, but someone that was speeding, verified by two witness reports, hit my vehicle in the passenger door where my wife was sitting. I should have not turned, but this area of town is renowned for some rather daredevil drivers. I guess I could include myself from the turn that I was cited for. My wife was not injured. The vehicle we were in is a very safe one, but the crash was enough to turn it into salvage. I went by the salvage yard today to retrieve my license tag. The SUV is gone. Now comes the hunt for another as near like it as possible. I just got word that the insurance company had paid my lender for the market price of it which paid all but a small amount of the loan. I already have one picked out and I’m waiting for the dealer to finish prepping it for purchase.

I won’t go into details surrounding the moments following the accident, but it took a day for me to realize what had happened. My wife and her sister in the back seat could have been seriously injured, but by the grace of God, they are fine. The people in the vehicle that hit me have not contacted me so I have only the knowledge that they refused treatment at the scene and left in another vehicle.

However, this has not left me in a good way mentally. I’ve replayed the accident in progress as it happened over in my mind several times and hope to never have that memory be the first of more. I hope it to be the only time in my life this ever happens.

As I have stated in the past I suffered from severe depression with anxiety attacks. This week has been rather a playback of the depression part. My mind has been foggy and I wish to sleep all the time and don’t really want to go out. I have no interest in anything. If I were to let it I would go into a deep abyss and stay there.

This is where the learning process I’ve have endeavored to become has kicked in. I cannot and will not let depression be my way of life. I’ve talked to God and you know what? He is talking to me. What stablizes me is that He has told me He has everything under control and I’ll be alright. Oh, I’m waiting at times for some invisible hammer to drop, but still, I find comfort in God being in control. My wife and those around me hold me up and I find there are certain things that happen that let me know God is true to His Word.

Right after the accident I was threatened by the husband of the woman that hit my car with hers. The police stepped between us and I realized that my friends from the Warriors Motorcycle Ministry were there along with the City Harvest Reapers Motorcycle Ministry. They all gathered around and the husband left. They all stayed with me till the other party left the scene. If you’ve ever seen a motorcycle gang, there’s a close resemblance except these guys are Christian. Most of them came from a rough background.

I was actually able to drive my SUV back home the couple of miles, but when I turned into my driveway a tie-rod end broke making it undriveable. How’s that for the providence of God?

To move on a bit, the next day after the accident my niece called me to tell me goodbye. She stopped her dialysis last November because of severe allergic reactions and she could not deal with it anymore. To add to this she is not viable for a kidney transplant due to other issues. She told me she was informed most don’t live much more than six weeks after stopping dialysis, so she has done well to be here still. However, now she is fading in her memory, hasn’t eaten in six weeks, and has lost a tremendous amount of weight. We talked for some time and I assured her that what she decided was an informed decision that she made and not to let anyone fill her with nonsense. I concluded that I have to allow her wishes to be hers. I feel she is at peace with it. Then. . .I hung up the phone and cried.

Life is not guaranteed. My wife could have been seriously injured or killed. My niece is dying. Folks, it’s been a tough week, but we live and move and have our being in Christ Jesus. He is our rock. No matter what befalls us, including you that reads this will be crushed under the load for He will not give us more than we can bear.

If you’re feeling the weight of a load that you’ve been carrying this week just remember you can let it go in praise to God. He is more than willing to forgive you for yours or my own shortcomings and we can rise up tomorrow afresh and walk in His will for our lives.

About Jim

I'm a 71 yr old guy, who had worked in Naval Hospital Camp Lejeune for 28 yrs and now retired as of 31 Dec 16. I've worked in medical records, Health Benefits Department, Billing, the IT department and retired as the Personnel Security Manager for the hospital. I'm a musician and Corvette enthusiast. Yes, I have had two. I traded my second Corvette for a Harley Davidson Fat Boy mid-summer 2019. I've already ridden about seven thousand miles. I'm also searching for a fresh new outlook on life with new spiritual insight among other things. I was ordained a minister on 20190202. I've become certified with the American Chaplaincy Association through Aidan University in June '21. I'm the Director of Emerge Chaplain's Response Team. I've found that with the unconditional love of my companion, Libby Rowe life is complete through God. She's a beautiful, vibrant, giving woman who gives her all in everything she puts her mind to do. She and I married on 24 July 2015. She was ordained in February 2022. She has a blog too called Under a Carolina Moon. Give it a visit.
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