I sit here tonight with nothing in particular on my mind. My wife went off to church for intercessory prayer. I’ve been to a previous evening, but tonight I’ve had all I can do for one day.

Being old isn’t for the faint of heart. My right kidney has ached for over a week. My upper torso in my back has hurt for an equal amount of time. My vision comes and goes with its ability to function fully. My left heel hurts when I stand on it too long. I’m quite sure I have a low grade sinus infection and my ears sometimes hurt. My blood pressure is either in the basement or a bit on the high side, but thank goodness my glucose readings are pretty much normal. I still fight with depression at times, but I’ve learned to curtail it before it gets bad. I’m not complaining. Just stating the facts.

I have to face the fact I will be seventy-three next week as well. In all, I can say that I have lived a blessed life in spite of all I stated above. God has proven to me that He is in control. If I were to complain, and I do sometimes, He whispers that all is well and He’s not done with me yet. I live for that reason.

Now to turn that coin over. God has given me a new fresh approach to life over the last fourteen years. I have come from severe depression with anxiety attacks to and ordained minister. I’m also a Chaplain that is certified via the American Chaplains Association. My wife has also become an ordained minister as well and is very active in ministry. We have a nice home, nice vehicles to drive, a nice neighborhood in which to live and my wife and I love each other very much. She has been a very wonderful help to me. I was married prior to 2015, but separated since May of 2009. I made bad decisions and I still pay for the residuals of that. Yet above it all God still blesses my “now” wife.

Yesterday my wife’s 50+ group had a dinner and devotional time after church in the fellowship hall. We had probably eighteen in attendance and I gave a devotional from Psalms 37. As I reflect back on us I realize how far we have come over the last fourteen years together. We were rock bottom. Lately I realize rock bottom is where the foundation has to go to be built upon. The Rock of my salvation is where I started rebuilding and He is the lifter of my head and has been so till now and forever.

I am a product of God’s grace and mercy. I don’t deserve any of what I have now, yet He has seen to wash me with the sacrifical blood of His Son to clean me of my past. To be honest, I can’t remember clearly anything I did before 2009. I just remember it was hell more than heaven. Today I am fulfilled in all that I do. I am satisfied with God’s never ending attention to the details of my life. I don’t have to struggle anymore. The world is in turmoil, yet I’m at peace. I realized something today to sealed that peace even more.

With all the turmoil, God is still in control. In fact, He ordered it. All that is, is for our teaching and understanding. It is for us to depend on Him to take care of us. We don’t have to overthrow a government, nor do we have to become doomsday preppers. God will supply all my needs even in the worst of times. To be honest, some of the things I have to encounter in my daily walk now would have devastated me fifteen years and more ago. I worried about everything. No more. I have begun to feel the fullness of God’s provision for my life. Like Job, it can all go away and He would return it 100 fold.

I watch as others wither and die, yet I’m still here. I am totally sold on God. My respect for Him has become more reality to me than I could ever imagine. I love Him with all my being.