At this point in life I find myself with a peculiar thought. I turned seventy years old this year. May dad passed away at the age of sixty.
This being the last day of 2020 I look in retrospect of his speaking to me when I was in my thirties that I would not live past sixty as all men of our generations of family died before that age. I refused his speech by declaring I was not into buying his words.
Now that at the end of 2020 and being seventy years old the thought came to me of a conversation we might have now. That with me being seventy and him being in his early fifties at the time he told me this.
What would I tell him? How would I tell him? First of all I knew he missed his calling to be a minister of the Word. I confronted him of this revelation and he admitted it with the answer “I never even told your mom”. He was answering by asking a question without asking, so to speak. I told him God revealed that to me. We never spoke of it again.
But now, at my present age, I would tell him as a much younger man than I at this point that all that was required of him was to answer that calling on his life and he would have lengthened his years.
I have nothing to hide any more. Two of my brothers are half-brothers. My dad fathered a child by a young girl that frequented our house with her girlfriend. Those particular issues still haunt me. I thought my family was a solid Christian family. I had to live to be much older to find out these things.
I lived a life married to a woman I know now I likely should have not married. We parented two wonderful sons that are productive citizens of this nation. They don’t feed off of others. They make their own way and so far as I know have had very few troubles with their marriages.
They don’t talk to me since their mom and I split. Their wives consider me an abomination to them. They literally don’t know all the details and I won’t go there in this writing.
I remarried, since, to a woman I met some twelve years ago now. We’ve been married now for about five and a half years. I could not ask for a more generous, loving, intelligent woman. She loves me with all her heart and she is all I need just a notch below my need for God.
I would tell my dad I love him, but I can say that in all things I knew his battles in life. I fought them as well, but I answered the call of God on my life and I still minister when called upon. In fact I will be up for the service next Wednesday evening. The title of my message is “The Simplicity of Salvation”. This will not be the last and only place I will minister this particular message. I feel it is for another church body as well. In fact it may be for several churches.
My dad needs to know he could have overcome his fear of public speaking. I would have to tell him there are depths to scripture that would conquer all his foibles. His biggest fear of God not furnishing him with the needed abilities to minister the Word effectively would be a minor detail in just a short time as he studied.
I feel our conversation would be like I tell anyone that lacks confidence. I constantly tell my wife she is smart, curious and lets no stone go unturned. I would tell my dad the same and that he only lacked the ability because of the lack of confidence. I know it’s hard to overcome for the majority of people. But it CAN be done. I have developed a lifestyle of overcoming by looking at circumstances as challenges. No matter how defeating circumstances can seem, with the right approach in Godly principles, they can be utterly defeated. I wish my dad had learned that.
He was duped by the enemy of his soul and when tempted fell harder than I did, yet he tried to get up, but could not in the end. I have fallen hard as well, but I continued to get up and still I refuse to lay down to that enemy.
With my wife at my side, a good Pastor to seek guidance in, and a church full of believers to hold me up, my faith that God will raise me up more and more as the days pass until I live forever in His sight. This body of mine can pass away, but it’s only my shell to live in. I will live forever before Him and He says I will have a new body in resurrection that will be immortal.
My dad, hopefully, found out before he passed that he was forgiven and accepted it without doubt and some day we can start a new conversation of untold proportions.