I’ve wrestled with this over the last twelve years. Should I close the door or should I keep it open.
By that, I mean my sons. I have two sons, both in the mid-forties. Both are married for several years. The older has three daughters and a stepson. The younger has one daughter.
I was sadly parted from them during the divorce from their mom. I’ve tried for years to communicate, but they have little to no conversation with me. The older lives in California and I even flew out to see the family, but the wife let me see my grand children one evening and then took them to another city the rest of my time there while my son and I went about town and talked. I even went to church that weekend with him. He seemed normal, but guarded. Since I’ve been back over a year now there has been little to speak about. His wife despises me. I have apologized on several occasions. I guess I could say I’ve always been suspicious of her intentions since I first heard of her, but I’m willing to bend.
My younger son’s wife told me on the way home from the airport when I came back from California to Raleigh, where the younger son lives that if it were not for me being her husband’s dad she would have nothing to do with me. So goes the story of the situation as it is to date.
I’ve been to fault to some degree in the lack of communication, but I never wanted to feel intrusive into their lives, so I’ve stayed back hoping they would come around and we could resume some sort of normalcy.
The problem I see from here is that I’ve left the door open for them to see my life through social media and this blog if they read it by some chance. I’m not the same person I was twelve years ago.
I was a total mess mentally. Being diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety attacks left me doing things I did not normally do before. Seeing a psychologist was not in my thinking, but it came to pass. He did little to help me so I stopped going, but I did continue medication to this day. It leaves me emotionless and flat in my responses to situations.
I do have a wife now that has been with me since the beginning of my recovery and has played a huge part in its success to become more sane and together than I believe I’ve ever been in my life, although I still battle depression at times.
Being a Christian has also been a great source of help to restore my mind and spirit. My body has even followed suit. I’m still pretty healthy for a seventy year old man. Some days not so good, but generally I’m good.
Why did I type this? There is one thing I cannot close. I cannot close the door to my sons and their families. I will always leave it open. When I met my wife that I’m married to now she was not speaking to her mom. I told her she had only one mom and she needed to talk to her. She did, although her mom was a bit of a bitter pill to swallow a good bit of the time. How did that turn out for her? Her mom passed away not too long afterward at the age of eighty-seven. There are now times my wife will say she wishes she could talk more with her. I’m just glad she reopened the door and talked to her in her last days.
Advice to all who read this. Don’t let bitterness or unforgiveness get in the way of family or friends. Not leaving a door open to each other hinders both parties in the big picture. Forgive and forget. It’s Biblical. God loves all and holds no door shut. His is always open to us. How would we feel if He closed the door on us?