As I sit here listening to Cold Play. Yes, Cold Play. I may be old, but I ain’t dead. I’m also 
on my diet of chocolate chip cookies and diet Sun Drop at the moment, so bear with me.
I’m still not completely divorced. For all intents and purposes, I am in my own thinking. I moved on two years ago.
I have my three girls here around me. Paige, Sarah and Fiesta are such wonderful companions. If Libby were here all would be perfect. I’m on vacation and she’s at work.
My thought this morning consists of thoughts of the days to come. I’ve been with Libby for a while now and there is no lackluster anywhere in sight and likely won’t be. She’s a gem. It’s true what is said that the more you give the more you get. I’ve given my life to her and she returns it 100 fold. Two things she truly knows is to love unconditionally and to give of herself and she does so to a fault. I’ve never thought I’d actually meet the dream woman of my youth, but she’s with me in the flesh now. I can hear some say you two are in it for the sex. With that being an important part of a relationship, it is more the end result of a working, living relationship before it ever gets to the intimate side of us. We work together. We play together. We do things together. The culmination of it all is “us”. Making love has always been about the intertwining of souls to me. That tying together of each other is the result of love and trust and freely giving of ourselves one to another.
I was in a relationship of marriage for 37 years without the last culminating part of the relationship because my spouse did not consider that important spiritually. She only thought of it as a physical act and limited herself to only when she felt like it. I don’t hate her for that. I would only remove myself from our bed and go to another room and cry for that lack of intimacy. I would say I’m part and parcel to not being able to show her properly of that importance. My frustration was more than I could bear.
To be honest, I was not looking for anyone else. I had already consigned myself to living with that life as it was. Libby coming along was what made me realize I didn’t have to live in mediocrity, at best.
In all of this we gave each other the open option to go our separate ways without prejudice only to find we were both compelled to return to each other on our own accords. No coercement from one or the other. It was a mutual decision to remain together after that. It was the “if you love it let it go, if it returns, it’s yours” principle.
With this said, I have to say, Libby has made my life more interesting and fulfilling. She has prodded me to excel as I prodded her to excel in her own right. She’s been the tool of recovery for me. She’s kept me alive. I owe her my life. I’ve never been more foundationally sound any other time in my life. I was bordering on deep depression and was having anxiety attacks long before I met her. I no longer have these issues as long as she’s with me.
As for the title of this post, I feel as though I will stay alive in this earthly flesh as long as she wants me to be. I can’t leave her here on this earth alone.
We have so much to do together. I want to travel with her. See what she sees. Feel what she feels. Experience together only what two people can feel together that love each other like we do.
We go no where without hands clasped together. She’s always touching me. It’s important to her. For me I enjoy touch. It’s a most intimate form of love to me. Touch is important to all humans and I cannot fathom people who do not like being touched in some form or other. To feel the warmth of her skin next to mine. Hand in hand or body to body. The intensity of our bodies together is very highly sensational. It touches not only the soul, but the spirit as well. How else can a couple become one?
That’s what the coming day are for. To become one.
mac n cheese to give it some kick. But she’s taken it to a new level. Baby limas, black-eyed peas and scrambled eggs are not left to themselves without the inclusion of salsa. She has put on a pot of pinto beans this evening. Where will it all end?
Livin' Small 