My Babies


Okay.  Today its the Alabama Shakes.  They’re not as well-known as they should be, but “Hold On”.  They’re a great sound.

Today I have to write about my little girls.  They are in the order I took them into our home, Paige, then Sarah and lastly Fiesta.  They are three Papillons. 

I love Paige the most of all because she’s been with me through the thick and thin of the last four years.  When my then wife and I separated I cried when I had to leave her behind.  Then I got her back and we’ve been through many talks at night before Libby come to live with me.  Now Libby gets to listen to me.  Paige can sometimes sit and just watch me intently as if waiting for my beckon call, yet when I reach out she backs away.  It seems as thought she mimics my past marriage.  I reach out and she backs totally away.

Sarah came along about a year ago and I thought I’d not ever have another “heart” dog, but there she is.  This dog took to me immediately and is my constant companion, whereas Paige always had to have her space.  Sarah sleeps on the body pillow above my head at night and sometimes lets me know she’s there by licking the top of my bald head.  I had her trimmed yesterday.  She doesn’t ride with me often, but yesterday when we left Anita’s (groomer and good friend) Sarah climbed up on the console and got on my shoulders behind me and against the seat back and let the A/C blow on her while she looked out the window.  Every once in a while she’d press her head against my cheek like to say she loved me.

Fiesta came to our home just a few short months ago because Libby fell in love with her when we got Sarah.  So, when she came up for adoption I asked for her.  Fiesta sleeps on the mattress between Libby and me.  She is Libby’s constant companion.  Where ever Libby is, you’ll find Fiesta.  The kitchen, bathroom, on the couch.  It doesn’t matter, she’s there like she’s ate up with curiosity to Libby’s next move.

Life is full of mysteries, but it’s no mystery with these little companions.  They understand us and we, them.  Love is unconditional.  I like the principle of unconditional love.  It’s because of Libby and these babies of ours that I live each day to the fullest.

 

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To Become One


As I sit here listening to Cold Play.  Yes, Cold Play.  I may be old, but I ain’t dead.  I’m also on my diet of chocolate chip cookies and diet Sun Drop at the moment, so bear with me.

I’m still not completely divorced.  For all intents and purposes, I am in my own thinking.  I moved on two years ago.

I have my three girls here around me.  Paige, Sarah and Fiesta are such wonderful companions.  If Libby were here all would be perfect.  I’m on vacation and she’s at work.

My thought this morning consists of thoughts of the days to come.  I’ve been with Libby for a while now and there is no lackluster anywhere in sight and likely won’t be.  She’s a gem.  It’s true what is said that the more you give the more you get.  I’ve given my life to her and she returns it 100 fold.  Two things she truly knows is to love unconditionally and to give of herself and she does so to a fault.  I’ve never thought I’d actually meet the dream woman of my youth, but she’s with me in the flesh now.  I can hear some say you two are in it for the sex.  With that being an important part of a relationship, it is more the end result of a working, living relationship before it ever gets to the intimate side of us.  We work together.  We play together.  We do things together.  The culmination of it all is “us”.  Making love has always been about the intertwining of souls to me.  That tying together of each other is the result of love and trust and freely giving of ourselves one to another.

I was in a relationship of marriage for 37 years without the last culminating part of the relationship because my spouse did not consider that important spiritually.  She only   thought of it as a physical act and limited herself to only when she felt like it.  I don’t hate her for that.  I would only remove myself from our bed and go to another room and cry for that lack of intimacy.  I would say I’m part and parcel to not being able to show her properly of that importance.  My frustration was more than I could bear.

To be honest, I was not looking for anyone else.  I had already consigned myself to living with that life as it was.  Libby coming along was what made me realize I didn’t have to live in mediocrity, at best.

In all of this we gave each other the open option to go our separate ways without prejudice only to find we were both compelled to return to each other on our own accords.  No coercement from one or the other.  It was a mutual decision to remain together after that.  It was the “if you love it let it go, if it returns, it’s yours” principle.

With this said, I have to say, Libby has made my life more interesting and fulfilling.  She has prodded me to excel as I prodded her to excel in her own right.  She’s been the tool of recovery for me.  She’s kept me alive.  I owe her my life.  I’ve never been more foundationally sound any other time in my life.  I was bordering on deep depression and was having anxiety attacks long before I met her.  I no longer have these issues as long as she’s with me.

As for the title of this post, I feel as though I will stay alive in this earthly flesh as long as she wants me to be.  I can’t leave her here on this earth alone.

We have so much to do together.  I want to travel with her.  See what she sees.  Feel what she feels.  Experience together only what two people can feel together that love each other like we do.

We go no where without hands clasped together.  She’s always touching me.  It’s important to her.  For me I enjoy touch.  It’s a most intimate form of love to me.  Touch is important to all humans and I cannot fathom people who do not like being touched in some form or other.  To feel the warmth of her skin next to mine.  Hand in hand or body to body.  The intensity of our bodies together is very highly sensational.  It touches not only the soul, but the spirit as well.  How else can a couple become one?

That’s what the coming day are for.  To become one.

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Too Young To Be Old


To young to be an old man 

Or so I’m told.

It certainly wasn’t my plan

To reach this old.

But glad, I am to wake up

Still with body and soul

With grace in my cup.

God has granted me favor

Through Jesus my Savior

I can talk to Him anytime

He listens in sublime

Making my heart glad

I’m no longer sad

He gave me a lady

Who I call my baby

I love her dearly

Not just merely

This is what makes me young

Not old. . .

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Livin’ With Libby


Libby.  The name evokes mischief.  She lives up to it too.  Her ex told her more times than a plenty “Everything’s not funny, Libby”!  But to her all things are funny.  I can attest to her emotional range, but she can find something funny in everything.  Including me walking into a closed bedroom door in the dark or a funeral.

Libby is a bright spirited creature with a smile that can make you scramble for sunglasses while in her presence.  Her beautiful bright eyes.  Her beautiful smile radiates causing you to smile no matter how glum you may be.  The Bible says not to hide your candle under a bushel.   She can’t.  It burned the bushel basket a long time ago.

She’s vibrant, loves to dance to music when alone by her self and sing along.  She knows the words to so many songs.  She loves to taste the finest of life yet can live with frying fat back and cooking up grits.  Our dining room contains a good variety of wines as well.

She’s been to Broadway plays, Las Vegas and the Redwood Forest.  She loves family.  She loves her daughter and son like no other mother could.  She loves her brothers and sisters, cousins, nieces and nephews with all her heart.  She love unconditionally.  I’m first hand recipient of that love as well.  It’s overwhelming to me.  I’ve never experienced such a person in my entire life.

She is inquisitive.  She’s always looking for the truth in a matter.  Tell her something she’s not familiar with and the next day she’ll come back and tell you all about it.  In that time between she has spent whatever time it takes to fully grasp what she heard.  I told her one time that Corvette owners don’t drive their cars in the rain unless absolutely necessary.  She didn’t think that I was serious, but the next day or so she comes back to me saying she now understands what I was saying.  She’d been on the internet researching just this subject to her satisfaction. 

She bright, intelligent beyond the norm.  She’s talented to an extreme.  She can bring dreams to reality.  I’ve seen her take and idea and actually make it happen when others would dismiss it as too hard or could not fathom the actuality of it.  Take today for instance.  She’s been on this for a while, but her grandson is two this week.  The birthday party is tomorrow.  She has been gathering information and material and baking goods for a couple of weeks now.  Really she started last night.  She’s baked two cakes in the shape of a pirate ship.  Two entirely different flavors.  She put glaze on them.  This morning she continued her quest to make cupcakes in chocolate and she whipped up her own icing.  She has one of the really old Hamilton Beach mixers.  Her mom worked for them back decades ago.  She ices the cupcakes and sprinkled blue sprinkles around the outside edges and some ground up Sandie cookies and sprinkled them in the top or middle of the cupcake.  She got a package in the mail today and had also bought some backup palm trees.  She put the palm trees on these “cupcake islands” with a pirate flag on each one.  The pirate ship cakes will have one of them decorated with skeletons onboard as though it were a ghost ship.  She’ll put rigging on them and all so by tomorrow she’ll be saying Aarrrrrgh!  Me matey’s.  They be Pirate ships sailin’ for the islands!  I was sent to the store for more food coloring for something I have no idea what for, but as I was leaving she was figuring out how to make an octopus cookie in green.  This illustrates her talent for baking, but it’s just one of her many abilities.

My old home is a mansion now, to me.  I can’t describe how much more livable it is.  It has a whole new look.  What was water stained walls from hurricanes past are now wallpapered and painted in colors from the palate of her mind.  Such vibrant shades of life that make the heart feel like nowhere else but home.  We have made this our home.  It’s beautiful.

She’s beautiful, stunning and no other can touch her.  She has my heart and I don’t want it back.

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A Note To Facebook Friends


A lot of things going on in my life at the moment, but not so much that I don’t care about those of you who read my posts.  Some of you know what’s going on, some not.  Maybe I can share this sometime.  Libby has been my strength and I actually am doing quite well in all. 

What I’m saying is a couple of my liberal friends dropped me.  I know I’m conservative, but I’m also open to others opinions.  If you’re on my friends list , I’m not going to drop you because you say something that doesn’t agree with me.  It doesn’t change mine.  Really I’m not liking be affiliated with any political party or group.  I’m not against one race or the other.  I’m just NOT about anything in some respects.  One thing I do respect and that is what God says.  I’ve done some things in my life I’m not proud of, but He has always guided me correctly.  He has never left me.  With that said if you have ought with my opinion, please message me privately and I’ll answer.  I’ve been called strange before and it won’t be the last time.  I have to be what God wants me to be and for so many years I tried to be what I thought men thought I was supposed to be before God. 

I will only share one thing.  Three years ago I went through severe depression and anxiety attacks and went for counseling.  I can’t tell the whole story, but suffice to say I’ve come through it a stronger, better person.  Libby has stuck by me and has loved me unconditionally.  Today I feel the best mentally and physically I’ve been in a long time.

All of you that I’ve know since childhood and even you Corvette guys that are fairly new, along with my co-workers and such, I’m glad to know you.  You’re the fabric in my life that keeps me together.  I look for your comments and posts, no matter what they are.  I can be as serious or risque as the best of you. 

 

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Rumination


As I ruminate on Father’s Day this morning, I’m reminded of the good times I’ve had with my sons. 

I built bikes for both of them and they rode them all over the neighborhood.  I took them fishing and remember the day one of them caught a “fish”.  It was really a dead fish that the crabs had already eaten all except the head, leaving the skeleton attached.  I never heard such a scream before or since. 

I saw the excitement when I took them into my bike shop Christmas morning and told them to pick out anything they wanted to put on their bikes.  I enjoyed the races we went to at Coastal Plains Raceway Park.  Erick got so sunburned on his neck it gave him sun poisoning.  It looked bad, but he got over it. 

I remember the time his mom had to get between him and me when he ran his 72 Chevelle into a ditch, so I wouldn’t “get physical” with him.  I got over it, when he had a Ford truck pull it out of that ditch.  Seemed like fair retribution. 

I remember how Matt didn’t want that little pickup truck I bought for him, but he dressed it up and won trophies with it at car shows as a member of a lowrider club.  His windshield banner said “Slam it or Sell It”.  I remember wondering if Matt would ever keep a car after trading cars at least five times while he was in college.  (He hasn’t stopped that habit yet and he’s 36.) 

I remember how I jacked him up the wall once for talking disrespectfully to him mom.  (Life isn’t always full of “good” memories mind you.)  I remember taking Erick to the MEPS center in Raleigh to be inducted into the Air Force over twenty years ago.  He’s a MSgt now.  I remember going to Matt’s graduation from UNCW with a Batchleor’s Degree in Business Administration.  He’s now a District Manager for Wells Fargo. 

I watched both get married to women who I believe were meant specially for them.  In spite of what may be, I love my sons and their wives.  And I love my Charlotte and Christina and John.  They’re my prodigy. 

Their days are in full swing and mine are winding down.  My consolation in getting old is that I have two men who were raised to contribute to society.  Not take away from it. 
I will conclude by saying that I love Libby.  She has been a great help to me although she’s never met these two men in my life.  Someday I hope she can.

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Fragility of Old Age


I’m not considerate of the fact that I’m now 61.  It’s just that it keeps incessantly tapping me on the shoulder.  I hate it when it’s impoliteness goes to beyond rude.  I’m left almost daily with being tired way before the limit I’m used to experiencing. 

No more than three years ago I dropped my car off at a shop three miles from home and walked back home, trimmed and mowed two acres of yard and walked the three miles back to pick up my car when it was done.  I was pooped, to be sure, but not beyond being able to recoup within the same day.

Now, I mow the lawn one day, trim another, then I will walk two miles on yet another day, but not all in one day.  I can’t do it.  To ready my newer Corvette for a show I spent one Saturday removing the wheels and thoroughly cleaning them and painting the rotors while setting up and spraying weeds in between the drying times for the paint so I could add another coat.  I was so given out when I got done I didn’t know if I would live the remainder of the day.  Still the next day I was right back outside mowing the middle section of my lawn and was once more tired beyond belief. 

The next weekend Libby and I rode the car to the show and being entered in the show I had to tidy it up once we were placed on the lot and later I helped tally and arrange the scoring of some 50 of the 90 cars in the show.  Again, I came home pooped. 

Old age just won’t leave me alone.  Not for a minute.  Some days, like today, I just want to cry for the abilities I used to exhibit to myself and others.  It makes me feel useless and left with the feeling of my mortality. 

Libby is very supportive and loves me very much and I feel at least as much for her if not more.  I never want to be a burden to her in any way.  I’m supposed to be the person she always looked and prayed for, yet for how long?  I wish it to be many years.

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The Polarization of America


The Polarization of America

The United States of America. This sounds majestic. Yes?

A little over two centuries ago we fled tyrannical rule by kings and church hierarchy as a people looking for freedom from governmental and religious oversight. Our forefathers wrote the Constitution, fought for and stood by their convictions in a fledging experiment in democracy.

I’m not here to rewrite or influence different thoughts on the history of our country. I’m here to give a view of what I feel kept the United States of America cohesive for so many decades. For certain, divisiveness had a hold on some aspects of our society over these times, but overall we realized the overarching effect government could have on the people of its influence. The Civil War stands out as the heading of a beast of the prior decades of those times that inflamed and threatened that cohesiveness. But we had a fledgling love for freedom still in us to the point we were able to overcome this point in history.

Many times in our history we’ve seen issues develop and try our stamina to survive as a nation, but we’ve always maintained our senses towards the idea of freedom. It was a happening event for our nation. It represented many things to many people, yet with one goal. That was to create a mighty nation where men could practice their freedom and pursue happiness with undue governmental rule.

The one thing that stands out to me is what we used to call ourselves, The Great Melting Pot. This great melting pot is a metaphor for a diverse society becoming more alike. These groups melted together into a common culture. Many from afar came to America and assimilated to become a nation of great respect and power over time. But upon study I find that in the 1970’s the desirability of assimilation was challenged by people who wanted to promote multiculturalism. This paradigm was presented as a positive thing by calling it a mosaic society or different cultures mixed together, yet remaining distinct as a nation. I’d dare to say this has had no positive effect on our nation as seen by today’s society.

During the time of mass immigration people would come here with multiples of languages, strange, hard to pronounce names. They would learn English and for the sake of the new society many changed their names to a more Americanized spelling and pronunciation. Cultural differences were still practiced, yet all these people recognized the common goal of freedom and the pursuit of happiness. That meant compromise. The Irish, the French, German and English as well as many other countries came with this in mind to make this new democracy work.

World War I brought many here to further escape tyranny of dictators and despots in and around the world. This worldwide event caused a further homogenization of a multicultural people into one who stood as true Americans, without tribute to any other nation. Pride to be an American was further solidified through the depression and another world war. The height of American Patriotism reached its peak during the early decades of the 1900’s. Not to say that the Revolutionary forces of the earliest of days was less patriotic, but the nation had grown to so much more in the worlds of governments during these times that it set us in place and as super power among the world’s governments.

But as I mentioned earlier, multiculturalism came to the forefront in the 70’s. This has been more divisive than cohesive. Those who championed this view represent loose immigration controls and programs that promotes bilingual education and affirmative action which offer privileges to minority or immigrant groups. It has become a special interest grouping. Before then people came and put their hands to the plow and worked their own place in the sun in the new land. They earned their way. Now comes special treatment for people who have become used to entitlement and have done nothing to earn it. The land of the American Dream where people once could work and when they get to a point could take a step back and look over the accomplishments they have made to better the new society they were in. No so today. Entitlement has made a whole new society of something like little birds in a nest with mouths wide open waiting for a free meal.

The American Dream is now gone. It has exited this society. I, as well as many, have earned what they have by hard work. Government for the people has become the government over the people. No longer working for us, this government has become a juggernaut that feeds at the trough of our wages telling us we need to give more, so it can be spent on people overseas and on special interest groups. There are really very few programs run by government that needs to be in existence. Defense of the country being the forefront and programs for citizens only of this country that would temporarily help them get back on their feet in times of trouble. This isn’t an exhaustive list by any means. I’m just saying government is too big.

This short treatise isn’t meant to be exhaustive. There are many views of our history in relation to what I’ve brought to attention here. My main concern here is the direction this mighty society has taken and where it is possibly heading if corrections in course are not taken.

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Just Not To Me


I wonder sometimes will it ever end

My ex seems to live in the past,

For me it’s no place to spend.

Give it up and move on I say

It’s just no good

Turn the leaf and live a new day.

I’ve moved on in life

Why can’t you?

You only create for yourself strife.

Life is what you live

Cut the past loose

You have more to give.

Just not to me.

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My Doll Baby


She has eyes that shine

Lips that caress 

I know she’s mine.

She makes me smile

Someday I intend

For her walk the aisle

True is my love

For only her

Not just “sort of”.

She gives her all

As do I.

She’s such a doll.

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