MLK Day


Today is a Federal Holiday. Libby Lewis Rowe and I are off today. Martin Luther King Day.MLK
You know. When I was a teenager the Civil Rights movement was in full swing. Everyone was running to their corners. The KKK was marching. The Black Panthers were marching. Whites only water fountains and restrooms were dissolving. Racism was a whole lot different it seems than it’s portrayed today.
I don’t want to get off on a rabbit trail, but to put things in perspective, the whole country was in an evolution. The Vietnam War was going on and there was also unrest over the U.S. sending troops to a small southeastern nondescript country that appeared of little consequence. Little known fact is the French had also fought in this little country as well. For decades the French had ruled this area dubbed the Indochine Francais (French Indochina). The French were much more brutal in their colonization than the British. But, I digress. In all this the U.S. at some point became involved in ridding the country of Communism. Young men served and some fifty-eight thousand of them died. It was a brutal country with jungles and torrid heat and humidity. Between the vitriol of the opposition to the war and legislators, our men suffered in needless battles and received little to no respect when coming home. None of what they did was their fault, but they suffered on beyond the death of Martin Luther King until 1974. I apologize for getting off track, but to realize the high degree of upheaval at the time I need to include this.
I was a young back country boy with no worldly experience at that time. All I knew was what I’d grown up with. My belief system said that blacks had their place and whites had theirs. I was being groomed by the times to maintain the status quo. One of my dad’s cousins was proud to hear me say I was just waiting till I was old enough to join the Klan. I can say they weren’t all that focused on blacks. I knew of them to burn a cross in a white families front yard because the wife was caught in adultery. We had our own kind of discipline in those “off the main road” areas. I’d even attended a very large KKK rally where a cross of at least twenty feet high was burned and there were literally hundreds of people there on the corner of Mary’s Chapel Church Road and the Tunstall Swamp Road.
Martin Luther King represented the freedom movement for blacks everywhere. The famous speech he gave in 1963. I didn’t know the import of this speech until many years later.
MLK delivered this speech from 1963 that is still remembered today:
I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we’ve come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
In a sense we’ve come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the “unalienable Rights” of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.”
But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we’ve come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.
We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.
We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.
We cannot turn back.
There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating: “For Whites Only.” We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until “justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.”
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest — quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
And this will be the day — this will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning:
My country ‘tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim’s pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.
And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.
From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!
In 1971, I sat in my barracks room in Germany one evening and found the fight was still much alive with the blacks at one end of my hallway and whites at the other end of the same hallway shouting racial threats. It was finally broken up. At that time in my life I was beginning to see the futility of racism. In just the short time I’d been in the military at the time I’d seen bi-racial couples of black and white. But wait! Many times I’d seen former military men married to Korean and Japanese women. From this I began to form new opinions of what racism was at the time.
My old back country boy ways faded away to a new paradigm. The world was a much bigger place than I’d grown up in. When the military draft caught me it thrust me into a much different world than I’d ever known.
I’ve a cousin who is sensitive to the racial divides that still exist and I can’t blame her. She has bi-racial grandchildren. The love of a parent or grandparent is blind to what the few intolerant people still out there sees. Martin Luther King’s dream is coming true despite these old mind sets. The issue I see is it isn’t an entirely white thing. Blacks, too, don’t like some of the changes they’ve seen. The whites and blacks who wanted change didn’t know the full cost of losing their identity in the mixing-pot of ideals.
Blacks can blame whites for the divides that still exist, but they don’t realize the effect their need for things that are black only are a part of the racial divide that still needs to be attended, like the Miss Black American pageant or the BET Awards. Where are the whites? Spike Lee is boycotting an awards ceremony this year because he feels there are not enough blacks nominated. The idea that class reunions are still held by race in spite of the fact desegregation had already occurred and whites weren’t welcome. Churches in many places are still the most segregated crowds around. It’s a shame we still have churches that are called “white churches” or “black churches”. I can see God shaking his head in disgust. I remember the first time I saw a black man in my church. It was shocking to me and everyone else, but today, I don’t consider it. I’ve found God’s heart in the matter and made the change in my own heart.
Martin Luther King was a man of destiny. He fought rightfully for justice and equality among all people. Time has played out the fight and it had gotten so much better, but I fear race mongers have made these advances take too many steps back. Thanks to him I can say what he espoused has helped me rid myself of the inequality of mankind. Has he done any of the same for you?
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2015


I have to say this year has had life altering changes.  First I sacrificed the opportunity to retire this year because of things I heard God say to Libby and me when leaving River Of Life one Sunday morning in June.  The effects of what WE heard brought about two things.  I had to bow to judgments in my divorce decree to do what was necessary to bring about the fulfillment of the latter, that being once the former was completed Libby and I were able to get married.

Getting married was something that we both wanted and it was a joyous occasion and it grew beyond our expectations with many people in attendance.  I appreciate those who saw fit to come celebrate our wedding.

All that lead up to that day was positive and it was a God inspired happening.

Another happening was I received my Medicare Card.  Awe, you say what of it.  I say it’s not the card so much as it is the milestone it represents.  Being sixty-five years old is unheard of for the men of my family tree.  I suppose I took after my mom’s side of the family on this note.

A full week of vacation away from home with my bride in October was stupendous.  We traveled to Tennessee and spent a week in a somewhat run down resort, but it proved to be a wonderful home base to travel out from.  Libby got to visit the Bush Bean Museum and Cafe where we ate some Pinto bean Pecan Pie.  As you begin to make a face at that, let me tell you this is some really good pie.  You need to try it.

The Jack Daniel’s Distillery and the small town around the corner were most interesting.  I’ve seen small stills before, but never one that was 45 ft high.  Of course we bought a couple of bottles of that alcoholic elixir.  We’re not big time imbibers of alcohol, but they did say one of the bottles we bought was full of liquor that was good for cooking with since it is infused with honey, pecans and pralines.  The other is simply a good sippin’ whiskey.  Gentleman Jack still sits most nearly full even three months after purchase.  I’m not a big sipper.  By the way, the county Jack Daniels distills in is a dry county, so they can’t sell liquor on site.  But they can sell bottles, which they do.  They just consequently contain liquor.

We also tried Tennessee’s versions of BBQ in Knoxville and other areas, but primarily we visited Sweet P’s in Knoxville.  Along with that BBQ we added “Greens n things”.  It consisted of collards, black-eyed peas, pintos, carrots and celery.  Pretty good stuff.  We also made a trip to an art museum and the old 1982 World’s Fair site and went to the observation deck in the big gold ball that overlooks the city.

We spent some time in Nashville in the heart of Germantown the first day we were in Tennessee, but it was a little disappointing. Turns out it was more of a craft show with a little German flavor thrown in.  But still we were there.

Our Monday was spent driving to Bowling Green, KY to walk through the assembly plant for GM’s best.  Corvettes all along the line made for fascinating viewing to see how they are put together and tested after assembly.  We also ventured over to the National Corvette Museum and looked at the history of the Corvette and mourned over the loss of the ones of greatest value that fell into the sink hole.

With time left that day we drove down the road a bit and visited Hidden Cavern.  We took a tour inside, which would not have been a place for those who are claustrophobic.  In order to get inside you had to ride in a boat while bent over completely to keep from hitting your head on the ceiling until you were completely inside the massive room inside.  The entire floor of the cavern is waist deep in water.  In a made-up story by the owner of a former nightclub in the entrance of the cavern it was supposed to be the hide-out of Jessie James and his gang after a bank hold up in a nearby town.  It was all a fabrication to draw crowds to a failing night-club once A/C had been invented or something like that.  You see, the reason the nightclub was so fabulous was because around 1900-1915 A/C had not been invented and the cave presented a constant temperature of somewhere in the low 60’s year round.

Most of all Libby and I got to meet with Jonathan Edward Baker, a relative of mine who pastors a church only thirty minutes away from our home base.  We went to church there that Sunday, the day after we arrived in Tennessee.  We spent Sunday afternoon with him and his wife talking about old times with family.  They are a very nice couple and hope them the best in their ministerial endeavors.

So far as the vacation goes I’ll close with this short but very meaningful event.  I also have family living in Clyde NC and also a minister of the Baptist faith.  Bruce Cayton was nearing the end of his life, but still very much active at the time, so we asked to stop and visit for a spell and I’m so very glad we did.  Bruce was a very charismatic man.  Libby took to him instantly.  I so enjoyed the moment we spent with him and Patsy as well as his sister Delores and her husband who were visiting as well.  He passed away this past Sunday.  What heaven gained was the loss among a dwindling crowd of men and women whose words do not fall to the ground.

I can’t say the year was mundane in the least.  We have spent our first entire year in our new home.  Just that.  OUR home.  Libby and I have no intrusions of our pasts in this home.  We create our own memories here not tethered to previous life experiences.  It was a joy to go out this past spring to see what might pop up around the yard.  Gardenia blooms, Azalea bushes in bloom.  Tons of Elephant ears along the ditch banks.  That among other delights of spring made for a wonderful summer here.  We started our first garden together and the end of season left us knowing what the ground in our new garden loves to grow best.  Hopefully the coming spring will honor us with a more bountiful crop next year.  We have plenty of birds and squirrels to sit and watch from our front porch in the bird feeders and bath.  All this while the American flag flies proudly from our porch.  I’m very proud of our country, or what it used to be and hopefully will get back to.

Someone also mentioned I should say that I got back a replacement from my youth.  I bought a 1955 Chevy.  What a car.  All the hot rod street car one could want.  It has a 350 small block .40 over, TH350 trans with Ford 9″ rear end.  All wheel disc brakes with 18″ wheels front and 20″ wheels out back.  Love this car second to the Corvette of course.

I sit here on the porch presently as it rains knowing God has all things in hand no matter what men might try to alter.  I also thank God for our neighbors.  They are good people.  God-fearing people who are as I when we think of this country and our faith.  May God bless them richly in the coming year as well as you who reads this.

2016?  Who knows what it will bring.  I just know I want to see it through with the joy God has given us in my heart and a beautiful woman at my side I can call my wife.  Hope your year will be prosperous as well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Totally Awesome


The way I feel sometimes is totally awesome. Sounds clichéd? Well, maybe, yes. But, still the same, that’s how I feel. Now, why would I say that?

It’s not about the absolute pinnacle that I am. HA! Not even close. I’m getting old and older every day. I have aches, pains and signs of decline in physical strength. It’s been a tough year this year with increasing evidence I’m not young any more.

So what’s awesome?

Awesome is this. In spite of all the adversity in life I’m still here. I sit in a comfortable home with a nice little yard with great neighbors. I have a church where I can attend and people like me and the ones who don’t just haven’t gotten to meet me yet. I live in a community that is a growing, thriving area. What used to be local only business, which isn’t a bad thing, but now there’s corporate interest in this small town.

Awesome is a wonderful wife. Libby has saved my life in many ways. She’s redirected my thinking towards future goals and accomplishments. I had fallen stagnant. I feel I was literally attempting to fulfill my dad’s prophetic voice that I would die by the time I was sixty. I told him then I wasn’t buying what he was selling. Libby helped me past that and here I sit at the age of sixty-five.

Awesome is also having small things in life that some don’t consider such. Our dogs, Paige, Sarah and Fiesta are the most wonderful little creatures on earth, but that’s not all. Libby, in the kindness of her heart, couldn’t resist taking in three abandoned kittens. Now we also have Georgia, Gracie and Juan (more makes three). The dogs sleep around me while the cats run around playing like crazy little animals that can’t be contained sometimes.

Awesome means also that this past summer showed me God’s wonders in our yard. It was our first summer here and it was like a surprise every day to go out and see what new thing there was. Elephant ears are all along the ditch. Azaleas in full bloom abound along a long row. The Magnolia tree bloomed for what seemed like months. We set up a bird bath with flowers and flowers around the mailbox. Squirrels came from nowhere. A Gardenia bush bloomed down on the front corner of the house. We found we have a crab apple tree, too.

Awesome comes in all forms. Libby and I let a huge old rose bush give it a go before we would have dug it up, but eventually I cut it down to about eighteen inches. Libby still prodded me to dig it up, but I thought like the Bible said to prune, fertilize and give it another year, but before fall had come to now it has sprouted new growth and is looking like a breath of fresh air.

Awesome came in the name of a garden we planted this year. At one point we had over 100 tomatoes coming to ripe at one time. Bell peppers, jalapeño peppers, okra, and beside the carport five feet high cherry tomato bushes grew and loaded up with those sweet little tomatoes. I planted cabbage and collards and the bugs and worms tried to take that over, but still, we got a good helping of collards at Thanksgiving and likely have enough for Christmas dinner as well. We’re looking forward to enlarging and planting much more next spring.

A co-worker of Libby’s sold us an upright freezer that looks absolutely new and we now have it nearly full of food. Libby has canned apple butter and apple jelly till it’s coming out of our ears. We froze some tomatoes for soups and such. God has blessed us.

Awesome is another way of putting it when Libby and I have been able to remodel two bedrooms and paint the hallway, dining and kitchen area and put down new flooring in the bedrooms. We have also redone the laundry room with fresh paint, flooring and a platform for the washer/dryer. That leaves room underneath for clothes baskets to sort clothes in without sorting out of a hamper. Lots and lots of shelving was put up and just last weekend I cleaned out the storage room at the back of the carport and put up more shelving so we can walk around in there now and not trip up on stuff.

Awesome you say? How can all the normal run of the mill things be awesome. Well, look around you. How does the world look to you? There are lots of things going wrong in the world and it looks like it’s caving in on itself. But my friend, it’s the simple things in life that are awesome.

So look around and you’ll find awesome, simple stuff that has in reality blessed you this year. God is still in control. That’s what is the most awesome.

Posted in Health, Home, Love, Old Age, Ponderings, Soulmate | 2 Comments

The Horse and Cart


One of my cousins recently posted on my Facebook page a picture of my granddaddy Granddaddy and the Mulesitting on a horse cart with a mule hitched to it. He looked cool sitting up there. Grandmother has written on the back of the picture that it was a horse, but plainly it can be seen that it wasn’t Old Joe as the horse was called. As a young child I do remember my granddaddy had a horse and a mule as well as a cow. Being raised on a farm had the experience of seeing and caring for various animals.

We had the three above animals, as well as chickens, pigs and guinees. At some point we had two types of chickens. We had Rhode Island Reds and a smaller yet more formidable group of bantam chickens that roamed free. I say formidable because they would attack if provoked and believe me I remember getting too close one day and one of the roosters “flogged” me good. It was all beak and claws I’d say.

To get back to the picture of note here, I rode in that cart on occasions. It was fun to sit on the back with my feet hanging off the back, letting them swing back and forth as the cart bounced with the gait of the horse as it walked down the road. Sometimes granddad would slap the reigns on the horse’s back end and put Old Joe into a gallop. What a ride with the dust of the old sandy dirt road kicking up.

After my granddad passed my dad took over those reigns, but by that time we’d gotten shed of the horse and mule, so dad would borrow a horse and cart from a neighbor, Sam Walls, down in the back woods. He would borrow his horse to pull the drag in the tobacco fields before we bought tobacco trucks, as we called them. They had wheels on them. A drag was the same kind of thing only they were on sleds. The horse would drag them around behind them in the tobacco field, when we were harvesting tobacco.

Once we got the tobacco trucks we no longer had horses or mules around. I missed that. But I had found a new interest. A Farmall Cub tractor. I learned to drive that at age seven and that changed my world.   

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No Regrets


No matter what people may think

No matter what people may say

My life is what it is today.

Not what it was yesterday.

Paths in life all lead to the same.

A last breathe, a last sight,

As we go off into the night.

So when that day comes about

And you know your heart is right,

No apologies, no regrets.

I’ve lived, cared and loved.

Made mistakes, yet not really,

Because all of life’s events

Are what brings us to that place.

Right or wrong is not the point

It’s the condition of the heart

That God did anoint.

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All I Need


Libby Viewing OverlookAll I ever need

Is a smile from her

All I ever want

Is her love eternal

All I ever care

Is for her best

All that ever matters

Is for her to be with me.

All that is

Is in her

Then I’ve seen God

His gift to me.

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Off to the DMV!


Ever been to the DMV? Of course you have. I had what I figure was my second visit in about eight years. I avoid the place with a passion. I do my tag renewals via online since it’s inception. I even got my license renewed online this past September. Wooo Hooo! Okay I digress. My trip yesterday was necessary. I went there and found a mortgage company had bought the upper floors of the building and had blocked off all but a few parking spaces for DMV visitors. That left people parking willy nilly around the lot. Then the usual entrance had also been blocked off by this mortgage company, so now you have to find the new entrance. Once done and inside I take my number and wait. . . and wait. . . .and wait. Then it’s my turn. I’m told my paperwork was wrong. Now folks I’ve done this before and never have I been told I’d done it wrong. They even tell me that the lack of information on the paperwork was in essence my committing a misdemeanor. Oh really? I”m not given to committing crimes, so I left to fix my paperwork. I was told when I come back they would give me the luxury of not having to take a number, but to go directly to a window on the end and I would be helped. So I went away, got my paperwork fixed and came back a little over an hour later and went to this particular window. With one ahead of me I watched as a customer began to get angry with the person working at the window. Seems the state owns the credit card processing machines at the window cannot be used for the notary fee. Alas there is an ATM within feet of the windows. So the man angrily gets his minimum $10 for the $5 fee. He asks will they at least give him back his charge for withdrawing from their ATM. The anger in this man escalates to a very loud and boisterous level until the person working the window next to the window he is running on and he effectively tell her he wasn’t talking to her and he didn’t want to talk to a supervisor, who BTW is Mr. Hargett. He was standing there watching the whole time and not interjecting anything into this argument. He could have put a stop to it, but he didn’t. My assumption is he’s passive agressive and left his women to fight for him. But it didn’t stop there. This guy was practically jumping up and down and then a voice in the back of the room raised up and told him to speak his peace and leave. He turned towards this voice and said he wasn’t talking to him either. The man reiterated his words and by this time someone else told him it was time to shut up and leave. Then a customer (woman) at the window on the other end turns to him and tells him it’s time for him to leave. Even the crowd was about to riot on his butt. He was in fact done, but had continued his argument by asking were they going to charge him $10 more so he could leave. Okay. He finally left and it was my turn at my window. Even though my experience wasn’t pleasant I turned it into a better experience and told the woman I actually had a $5 bill to pay my notary fee! HA! We had a laugh and I got my tag and left her with a smile on her face and a I was happy as well I don’t have to go back for at least a few years. Or maybe, just maybe I’ll go back to see if I can witness another uprising in the DMV. Observance of the public can have an amusing side.

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FOOLISH POSITIONS IN LIFE


As I’ve reached sixty-five years of age I found some things in life are foolish. One of those things that became foolish to me years ago was trying to make someone realize they were living down a wrong path. I can’t make them change. They’re family after all and should be loved and cherished as family. You should never turn family away no matter how their situation may be to one’s self.

I’d much rather have the relationship of family than to be stiff-minded in my own opinion of how I think. I’ve found I’m only punishing myself. My only remaining brother may read this and he’s welcome to do so. He’s a very intelligent man. He knows what he wants out of life. I am not going to begrudge him as to the way he lives. He should live life to the fullest. I’ve found when I changed my frame of mind to this way of thinking I have freed myself to live my life to the fullest as well. Elsewise I would not be punishing him for something I have no control over anyway.  All I would be doing is punishing myself for being so stiff-necked.

The real reason I sat down to write this isn’t because of him though. It’s because of my eldest son. My youngest son of the two has realized life is too short to cut people out of their life because of differences. He’s a bigger man for allowing circumstances to go behind him and take the productive road in life.

I love both my sons with much love and concern for them. Both need to know that. I don’t hold one in higher esteem than the other. They are both what I consider as contributing members of society. That’s not the case for everyone out there today where the entitlement crowd resides. If you’re not making life better for yourself and others you are a part of the problem. Both I consider to be contributors.

My problems with my former wife are our problems. She highly dislikes me because I didn’t measure up to her standards. For that I’ve apologized many times over. I have not been able to hold a civil conversation with her in years without her rehashing every detail of those shortcomings. She has failed to learn the forgiveness Christ presented to the world. She will say she has and then turn around and hold out my laundry list. I hold no ill will towards her. I really don’t. I do, however, have ought with the courts over how our divorce was handled. It was very biased and untruthful in facts relating to the two of us. The balance was heavily in her favor. Statements were presented that were incorrect and taken for fact. I have questions that were left unanswered. Quite a few to be honest. The judge was a very liberal judge and punished me like I was party to some issue in his own life. I almost feel someone did him wrong in his own life and I became an example for his wrath. My own attorney was stymied by his judgement.

But I digress and get back on track. My eldest has not spoken to me in over six years because it appears he feels I spoke to his wife wrongly as well as divorced his mom. I will take a huge swallow here and say okay, I’ll take the blame here hoping it will renew the relationship with him and his family. I won’t become a rug to be walked on, but I will swallow up all the anger involved with whatever is holding this relationship up.

I’m too old now to worry the small stuff. We’re father and son. That will never change. But this relationship can be repaired and changed to something that can be salvaged. There’s no need for the loss of relationship. I’ve opened my door many times over the past six years and never once received a response. I’m not holding this up. Don’t punish yourself any longer son. I’m here.

You see son, I have your back. I speak only good things of you when people ask me about you. I’ve never spoken evil of you. I never will. Why do you still hold the past against me? Do you not know the love of God and His forgiveness? You should. You were taught it every day in a Christian School. Who has influenced you otherwise? My biggest fear isn’t for myself. It’s for you, son. This will eat you alive, not me. My arms and heart are open to you.

Posted in Divorce, Family, Love, Old Age, Ponderings, Spiritual | 2 Comments

Five hundred Eighty Eight “Friends”


I sit here in the early morning of the midpoint of Libby’s and my vacation.  We’re calling for a bit of down time today.  So I sitting here looking at my Facebook page and realize I have 588 “friends”.  I remember when I started this silly social thing asking myself how could anyone amass these large “friend” lists?

Several years later now and looking back I can see how it’s done.  Everyone we meet in life we leave an impression from some aspect of our life on someone else.  There are family and friends of a personal level.  There are co-workers, church family.  There are friends that spring up from our mutual likes, such as cars or music.  There are so many ways to develop friends of whatever we encounter.

Life tends to change as well.  Who we once were and who we are now folds over pages in our lives that covers up friends from our past and reveals friends of out present.

I sit and think of probably the most enduring friendships were made while in school.  I didn’t realize that years later I would reconnect with so many of them.  When you’re from a school that contained all twelve grades in one building you tend to get to know everyone no matter what grade.  Although age at the time may be a deciding factor as to whether you are “buddies” or not, later in life age becomes a backseat partner in the ride of life.  We grew up together.

Church.  I spent the large part of my adult life in a church where people came and went like water under a bridge.  Thirty years I sat under a ministry that taught me a lot about God, others and myself.  From that I’ve learned in Bibilical principles has changed me most of all.  From a young man with self in the forefront to one who cares more for people than I ever figured I could achieve.  The people from this time have been kept in my heart because I saw the highs and lows of many who found freedom or found their disdain for the same.  I defeated my biggest fear of standing before people to speak.  I fear no man when I stand to speak the Word of God.  It is He who speaks through me.  What I allow through my mouth is not my own, so I learned the consequences of what I say, as long as my heart is pure in it, are heard and either accepted or rejected.  It’s not me the people react to.  It’s God they react to.  But I’m rambling.

Work.  I’ve worked many jobs and connected with far more people than likely any other avenue.  From construction to where I am now sends my mind through a plethora of faces and names.  This includes my military time as well.  I’m sure anyone with military in their past can say there are a lot of people we made some degree of contact with, even if briefly.  Where I work has had a cosmic effect on me.  I’ve been at the Naval Hospital going on thirty years in the same building.  I’ve seen most everyone I worked with back then leave into retirement, go to another place of work or unfortunately die.  The ones who have died leave me with a much more sober look at life.  A handful of them had become close friends.

What can I say?  Well.  I’m trying to reconnect and connect with people from my past who mean or should mean a lot to me.  Some of them are “fringe” friends.  Some I’ve never met personally, yet I feel, as my wife does as well, are as close to me as if I’d known them from just down the street.  Here’s just a couple that come to mind, so don’t be offended if you read this and didn’t get mentioned.  You have to pardon my “old man” memory.  Chad and Nicole and their son Cash.  They live in Minnesota and we’ve never met in person, but they feel to us (Libby and me) as close as friends can be.  Trish Brooke, with whom Libby and I met through blogging as well seems like someone who shares our own likes and dislikes.

Libby and I have developed our own set of friends since our divorces.  When we married finally I had no idea we could draw a crowd of eighty people.  But we did.  That was amazing to me that that many people would take time out of their busy schedules to come and enjoy Libby’s and my marriage.  God bless ’em.

I can’t do justice to what my thoughts are on this subject.  My mind is too full.

One thing I thank God for is my relationship with my younger son.  I just wish my older son could give up on the bitterness he hordes against me.  I’m sure back then I hurt people, but I was diagnosed back then with anxiety attacks and severe depression.  I no longer have these issues and feel solidly on my feet as I enter the last years of life.  God has allowed me to lay a solid foundation under me with people who care about me and would help in times of need.  I have no fear of growing old.  I have Libby to count as my biggest blessing in life.  If I may be so crude she’s the closest most loving woman I’ve ever known who has vowed to wipe my butt when I can’t for myself if it comes to that.

That may sound like I’ve lost my mind, but I remember when my step-grandfather was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s I stopped in one day to see him and my grandmother of 78 years old.  She asked me to help her change his diaper.  Such dedication to someone you love is hard to find sometimes.  I think you get the picture.  She lived to serve him.  She was hospitalized a couple of weeks or so after his death and she died not long after in the hospital.  She told me she was tired, but I knew she was not going to leave Jamie without someone who cared for him as long as he was alive.

Friends.  I have many in all the stages of knowing who they are and what they mean to me, but I care for them all the same.  Except for Libby, of course.  Here I go.  She’s my number one.  No one can or will hold a light to her and darken her image to me.  I count her as being sent from God to preserve my life to a longer life so that I can serve Him still.

God bless all my friends no matter who you are.

Posted in Ponderings | 2 Comments

Just How Old Are We?


Physically we grow old. Period. Think about that for a minute.

Okay. You’re minute is up.

What else did you think about when you were contemplating that statement above? Perhaps you thought I may be growing physically old, but mentally I’m still quite capable of committing teenage acts of craziness.

I’m to be sixty-five years old next month. Don’t let me ever hear you say I’m sixty-five years young. That’s BS, plain and simple. I’m 65 years OLD physically and this old body ain’t what it used to be. My wife, Libby, has repeatedly told me that growing old sucks. Yes it does. The “Golden Years” to me only means I might need Depends.

But I don’t intend to go down without enjoying the years she and I have left. We laugh, we cry, we do things together and we talk about everything. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is hid from each other. She is the only person that I have told everything I have done that is life-altering or eventful. Libby is the one person with whom I have shared even my deepest, darkest secrets. I trust her.

With that said, we intend to grow old together. We share each other’s lives. When one is down the other is there to lift up the spirit. We pray for each other. That’s something that I admittedly didn’t do in my previous marriage. I won’t go into why I think that’s the case. It’s my statement of fact. It just did not happen.

Libby and I are mentally very much younger than we appear. We still hold hands everywhere we go. People have even complimented us or commented that people should still do that more often. To me, touch is an important function between two people. We kiss each other before we get out of the car. Don’t ask why, we just do. I have been known to pat her on the butt in Wal-Mart or any other public place if I feel like it. She gives me that big smile and says, did you just touch my butt? I’ll say yes, what are you going to do about it? Then she’ll smile real big. HA!  Sometimes we just stop and look each other in the eyes to see what’s inside.  The windows of the soul do say a lot.

In our heart and soul we’re still young. That’s what we are. That’s what we do. It’s us thumbing our nose at the grim reaper and pushing him off to the distant future.

One of my cousin’s husband posted a picture that so aptly applies to Libby and me. I had to pull that picture into my album. It makes me think of Libby and me. I’m thinking this is something we ought to do. I don’t care how old you are; maybe you ought to consider it. How young do you feel? How young at heart do you want to be?

Libby and me

Posted in Ponderings | 4 Comments