Livin' Small

I would suppose one of the hardest things to do in life is nothing at all.  Tough lesson to say the least even at my age.

But even with that said, I have to look back at several times in my life I reached a breaking point and gave up and God stepped in and took over.  I used to own The ReCycle Shop Bicycle Repair and Sales store in Richlands back in the early 80’s.  I was making as much a go at it as possible.  The store had been open for about six months (it was March) and I went on a ministry trip with Pastor Kelley Varner to Rustburg and Lynchburg VA for a week.  While I was gone my ex-wife watched the business.  One evening I called and she said the woman who owned the building had sent workers on the roof to put a new one on.  I thought that was okay, except when I got back they had not put a new roof on and it had begun to rain.  It rained solid for two or three days and I stood in the business the second day back after the trip with water dripping on me and I was standing in water a quarter inch deep on the floor.  I was devastated.  I cried when I called my ex-wife and said I was closing the store and giving up.  I couldn’t do it any longer.

What happened next was when God stepped in.  Almost as soon as I hung up a friend of mine called me.  He had a business a couple of blocks away.  He came over and helped me squeegee the water off the floor out the door.  The Venter’s Insurance office next door offered their back office room at storage for my stock.  The Nautilus fitness center down near the Scotchman offered to allow me to store my bicycles in their backroom.  That was Gary Canady, who is a land surveyor now.  People came out of no where.  Another man, Bryant Lewis, came driving up to the store and told me he had a place he’d rent me out on the main highway.  It was a newly renovated store space.  I was  closed a couple of weeks, but we reopened in a new location and seemed like things went on like usual until September and business seemed to completely die.  I was at a total loss of what to do and about that time I got a phone call.

It was the owner of the Schwinn dealership in Jacksonville.  He wanted me to manage his store part time, but a month after starting he asked me to manage it full time.  I said only if he’d buy my store.  He wrote me a check to make it short.  I worked there for a little over five years.  It was probably one of the biggest tests of my life to date for me to work there, but God provided.

Another memorable time was when we were told we had to move.  We had bought and paid for a 14×70 mobile home and moved it on a lot in the countryside of Richlands on Cox Road next to Billy and Margie Cox.  Ronnie, their son, came to us after five years there and said he was building a brood house for raising doves and was going to house migrant workers next to us in the old home place.  So we scoured the area for a new place, but we wanted a new large place to live.  We had to sell our mobile home, purchase land and have a modular home build by our specs.  I’m trying to shorten this.  Well, we found what came to be 2 acres of land for ten thousand and we had Star Homes headed by Sue Simpson and her husband order up the house.  It seemed to run on and on.  Elmer Futrell was the land owner and he was in a bind to get rid of it and he had been on my doorstep wanting to know when we’d close on this deal.  I was about to lose my mind over it.  The mobile home had not sold.

I gave up when it looked as though we’d failed to seal the deal and I went to take a nap one afternoon and when I awoke I found two different buyers for the mobile home.  I got what I wanted for the mobile home and the construction of the house was finished and we moved in shortly afterward.  Giving up let God take over and it fell together like clock work.

I told Libby once that when God acts to be ready.  My house on “the loop” was experiencing a large insurance burden because I simply didn’t have a fire hydrant withing a 1000 ft of the house in either direction.  It would have meant a huge increase in my house payment I couldn’t afford.  Libby had been asking me to look at our present home for some time.

When we looked at our present home on Trott Road it was the right size for us and the price was right, but the agent said someone else was wanting it and she’d been dealing with them for several months.  It had a garage.  You have to know I have not had a garage in decades and loved the place, so I told the agent in spite of someone else wanting it I would give the seller what they wanted for the house.  That was a Saturday.  We were to go back the next morning after early church to see the inside of the garage since it was still locked on Saturday when we toured the house.

Well, Saturday evening the agent called and said they would consider us if we were preapproved, so after church the next morning we went to a guy who approved us for the loan and we drove back to view the garage.  When we got here the agent said she had the strangest thing happen.  The people she’d been dealing with about the house for those several months had backed out.  It left us to buy the house without competition.

Monday morning I was led by God to ask Jeff Smith, who owned the property behind me if he wanted to buy my property.  He looked at me with unbelief and asked me was I serious.  I said yes and to make a long story short, he bought the house with the stipulation we had to be out immediately.  Our agent contacted the family that owned the house we wanted and told them we’d like to move in and pay them rent till closing.  They agreed, so Tuesday and Wednesday we moved in.  So, Saturday, we looked at the house, Sunday were approved without a competitive buyer and sold my house Monday and moved into the new home on Tuesday.  It was that quick.

It came by allowing God to move.  I was learning a lesson in giving it to God.

Those illustrations are not the only ones I have to share.  It’s happened many times.  These are just the monumental ones.

This comes to today.  Even though I haven’t yet seen a check for my retirement and it’s going on three months I’ve found myself in yet another one of these kinds of situations.  When I asked God what to do about it, He said “I got this”.  What else can I say?  He’s never left me without.  I’ve always had a roof over my head, vehicles to drive, money enough to live by.  I’ve quit worrying about tomorrow.  I enjoy life much more today by doing so.

I hope if you’ve made it so far into this writing you’ve understood this one thing.  God is first.  Giving yourself to Him first will create an abundance of provision just in time as you need it.  It may not be when you “want” it, but it will be there when you “need” it.

Save

I don’t make resolutions.  Any changes in my life started last year when it counted. I know that I have gradually built up expression of my faith over the most of last year. I’ve seen people who burst on the scene with fervency or zeal, if you will, and become shooting stars. I’ve always had faith in God. I let it wane due to circumstances. No more. The future, that started last year, is to build back upon the foundations inside me.

I once sat in the sound booth at PTM and ruminated on the loss of why I was there. I concluded that it was because I became heavy on doing instead of being. The Lord has blessed me with fresh new life. I don’t intend to take that lightly and squander it.

I want to walk out the path God has given me.  He has given me a wife who is like-minded.  We shall walk together.  Our connection is strong.

No longer shall we wander like the Israelites did for forty years in the wilderness, because of their unbelief.  The Promised Land lies ahead.  We shall walk towards it and shall see the Jordan parted, even though at flood stage, to allow passage there.

Once over, there are still battles to be fought, but God is with us.  If you intend to make a resolution, do you intend to continue to wander, or do you intend to find your place and walk towards your promise?

I just read a post on Facebook where someone said they were tired of people saying there was a new year coming with people who say they will turn a new leaf and be a new person.  This person declared to all that no one had to worry.  He was going to be the same ole crass person next year as much as he was this year  I’m putting it politely.

I know it was a tongue-in-cheek comment, but think about how many people are actually like that.  No ambition, so direction, just following what’s hot in the moment.

I can’t live that way.  I have to move forward in the passing of time whether it’s a new year or not.  I’m blessed with a relationship with God.  I have a wonderful wife who has the most open spirit of anyone I know.  She wants all of God she can scoop up.

This new year finds me retired, but aside from that it’s only a change of responsibilities.  I left one set of them for another.  The challenges of life are still present.  Circumstances are still rolling in and like tests when I was in school I have to learn in them and pass through them on to a newer bigger challenge or test.

When I was a young man I would have been crushed under the weight of some of the things I’ve had to encounter in the progression of my years.  Smaller tests became bigger tests and learning how to handle them by seeking God’s answer and applying the direction made me stronger in the passing of time.

I did things as a young man that should have gotten me some serious trouble, but God covered me.  Looking back I see how much He covered me.  That’s why today I know I’m blessed.

I have watched certain people struggle with life.  I watch them fall by their own circumstance.  I’ve listened to some who tried to justify why they did what they did at the time, but failed miserably and later on paid a dear price for those inept decisions.  Some I know their background and know why they did some of the things they did.  They had no one to show them the right way to do things in life.  They were hobbled from their youth.

I’ve watched young people walk away from bad situations only to walk right back into them and then get a double portion of the same test again.  I can’t tell people what to do unless they ask for help.  Have you ever tried to give unsolicited advice?  Most times it doesn’t work, but if they were to sit down and honestly open up to me or someone who has walked like I have we could help avoid serious life mistakes.

I know that perhaps I should use the “Don’t touch fire, it burns” type of advice, but a child will be hell-bent on finding out for themselves.  I prefer to be like the husbandman of the orchard.  I will not pick fruit before it’s time.  I have to know they are ready for the pickin’.  Then I know what I say will embed itself in their spirits as seeds in the ground.  Then what comes of it is a more flourishing crop.  Be wise, but have wisdom when to speak.

So, who are you going to be this coming year?  Are you going to proclaim another empty resolution?  Or are you actually going to put yourself to the test?

Alas, I wait but for the one last day of work as I have known it for 27 yrs, 5 months and 29 days.  Don’t laugh.  I only know that count from the Civil Service HR that sent me a run down of my career status. for retirement processing.

Okay. Let me just reminisce for a moment as I sit here one day away from retirement.   That’s not to mention an entire seeming array of jobs I had before that.

Second place goes to DuPont with a little over 8 years at the plant in Brunswick county mostly as a Yarn Spinning Operator.  I was also a Utility Operator and a Baler/Cutter Operator on the creel side.

Third goes to the Bike and Surf Center in Jacksonville with five years.  The smaller jobs were starting out with Daniel’s Construction as a carpenter apprentice, changing over to Field Engineer on three jobs.  The last two with them ending me up in Wilmington.   In the middle of the construction work I spend two years in the Army.  I also attempted to sell life, accident and health insurance for a year with Western-Southern Life.

DuPont came after the insurance job.  After about six months in with DuPont there was a downturn in business and I was laid off for five months and then called back.  During that time I worked for Crowder Construction as their Chief Field Engineer.  It was a good paying job, but the boss was a tyrant.  The job site was Federal Paper Plant down in Riegalwood (Acme-Delco area), NC.  I was required to undress in the garage before entering the house when I got home from work because of the smell on my clothes.  Then I had to shower before dinner.   

I left DuPont not long after moving to Richlands and started my ReCycle Shop doing bicycle repair.  Then came the Bike and Surf Center.  The owner there was more than a tyrant there. 

After that came the list of other jobs that were short lived.  I worked for AutoZone.  The only job I ever got fired from.  The District Manager and I didn’t see eye to eye.  I later learned he got fired, too, so I figured we’re even.  I worked for Holsum Bakery and for a short stint I was their District Route Manager.  In between the year there, I worked for Kinston Wholesale Grocery driving a tractor trailer, where I got my license to drive rigs.  But after I got back to Holsum I found it wasn’t so much of an up and coming opportunity.  The Fox family that owned it was crooked as a stick.  It was then when I got a letter from the Department of the Navy to come in for an interview and ended up accepting the job in Civil Service in Outpatient Medical Records.

The rest is the 27 yrs, 5 months and 29 days.

There is so much to tell before that as a young man growing up on a farm.  My dad worked hard to grow crops and it appeared from what I remember he was good at planting crops and was blessed with bountiful growth.  I remember corn stalks seven to eight feet tall.  Tobacco that grew at least six feet tall and leaves so heavy when the dew settled on them the would break off the stalk from their own weight.  We lived off of the food he planted in garden after garden.  Meat from hogs and chickens.  Hunting season it was deer meat and sometimes squirrel.  I’m sad to say though that after all my years of thinking I was in a normal family I found many things in want.  My mom apologized to me long after dad died for his favoritism of another brother over me, the oldest.

Let me just wander.

I was a farm hand.  I started out driving a Farm-All Cub at 7 yrs old.  I hauled fertilizer to the field on a farm truck by 10 years old.  I tended over 13 acres of soy beans on my own with that Cub tractor at 13.

I hunted on my own until Danny, my brother and my best friend Dwight were old enough to hunt with me.  We three and a bunch of others from the neighborhood worked the tobacco fields a couple of summers with Hobert Walker.  Working in a tobacco field will make anyone appreciate jobs later on in life, which were a far cry better, I don’t care what it was.  Back in those days students drove the school buses and I wasn’t left out on that.  I drove bus routes for two and a half years.  A grown adult driving a bus back then was as rare as hen’s teeth unless you counted activity bus drivers.

So.  From seven years old till now makes my work career a long one, but it isn’t over.

In all those years I was as faithful as I knew how to my God, my church and leadership.  I respected them and worked in the ministry as a deacon, care pastor, printing plant manager, IT systems manager as well as a musician, playing drums in the church worship team for 25 years.  Overall I was very active for over 30 years in ministry.  Oh yes.  I tripped up and fell on occasion, but I’m no quitter.  The last fall almost got me.  Depression and anxiety attacks took their toll as well as a doomed marriage, but still I got back up, asked forgiveness and God has given me a wife and a church to call my own and my place to be.

I choose life.  I feel in all my working career I have been tried, but blessed.  When darkness loomed, light abounded.  When disease reared its ugly head, the Healer stepped on it.  He always heard my cry and answered.

This is for young adults.  Never give up.  Take circumstances as challenges.  Over come them with the Word and the Spirit.  Prove God to others through your life and you’ll never lack.  If you feel you’re sinking, stand up, you’ll probably find the water isn’t all that deep.  Let the mountain become the mole hill.  The journey of a Christian is rooted in relationship with God.  Make that a priority.

My work-a-day world ends tomorrow, but it doesn’t end my life.  That is still vital and wanted by someone.  My wife first in this life after God.  I already have a calm inside me that surpasses all else.  God has spoken to me this Word.  Don’t worry son.  I have this.

I started an Instagram account.  Never had one before.  They ask you to put in a bio.  Well I learned you have to do it in 150 characters or less.  Man, I can’t even get my fingers ta workin’ on the keyboard in so few strokes.  It went thusly:

Son of a dirt farmer from the 50’s. I speak fluent red-neck and can write it, too. Retired and finding new direction. I have a loving, beautiful wife, Libby, who I proudly take with me to make me look good.

Now, you tell me, how am I going to do a bio that covers sixty six years in 150 characters or less?  There’s always something goin’ on despite the fact that sometime I just don’t do anything.  Even doing nothing requires something.  Keeping yer eyelids closed, legs crossed or uncrossed while you nap on the recliner couch.  Arranging my four dogs around me so they have their nappin’ spot assigned so we’re all comfortable.  Gittin’ up to pee.  Reassembling said dogs back to their respectable places.  Oh, I had to make sure I have my Sun Drop on the end table in case I snore my throat dry.

So, what am I doin’ this week that would be more than what I’d do at work?  Well, I actually cooked some boneless chicken thighs in a mix of Alfredo sauce with a little bit of wine.  I’ll mix in some broccoli this afternoon for some green stuff.  By the way, the diet I’m on is doing me some good.  Unofficially, I’m not diabetic anymore.  Sugar readings for the last three months have been normal.  Weight is down from 222 to 182 and I’m lovin’ it.  I actually have more energy now to the point I find napping a chore.  It’s hard to take a nap with more energy to burn.  I did the above yesterday while I stir-fried asparagus spears and grilled two nice thick steaks for me and my baby for when she got home.

Spent my whole life yesterday afternoon and this morning activating our two new phones. Apparently Verizon had to reset our PIN #’s, which I had no idea at all what they were. Once I got them reset it seems a snap. Straight Talk with Verizon as the carrier. No more contracts. I’m done with that.

While in the midst of all that I had an attack of CDO.  That’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I just can’t stand the letters out of order.  Me desk needs cleaning, but I sat here till it passed.  It’s still cluttered.  I need shelving folks.  Bad.

Another thought ran through my mind about Libby asking me if everyone in my family was preachers.  Go figure.  I’m ADHD, too.  I found from research that there are a lot of my family who preached and even some who  didn’t answer the call.  That answered my question why their lives weren’t so long and prosperous on the latter ones.

I guess I should get up and take a shower.  How random do you want me to get with this post anyway?  I can change subjects faster than a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck.

Oh, by the way.  What’s the reason for the saying I posted in the picture above?

Now, how’s that for a post?

As the end of another year comes and goes, I’m still reminded of the one sentence Jesus spoke at the end of His time on the cross.  “It is finished.”

We were all forgiven for everything we’ll ever do so long as we remain or return to our first love, that being for God.

I’ve spent the last eight years from severe depression/anxiety attacks to probably the most sane period in my entire life.  Unless you’ve experienced it yourself, you can’t imagine it.  The panic attacks came long before the separation and all of this came to a head just after.

Manning up to problems?  I wouldn’t wish these kinds of things happen to you or anyone else.  Being in the hospital after being told you have had a heart attack likely started that road to hell for me.  That, and the fact that while experiencing this, people looked at me like I was inconveniencing them from their life.   Thank God I asked for prayer, because I honestly feel God healed my heart from any deformity that would have shortened my life.  I’m not totally free from issues, but I am overcoming them.

I’ve said it many times about what my dad told me back in the 80’s.  For those who don’t know, he said I’d most likely be dead by age 60.  I turned 66 this year and I can still work a pretty decent day’s work for my age.  I’ve kept myself to the doctor when my blood pressure acts up and I’m fighting diabetes so much so with diet alone and have had great success with it.  It’s taken a lot of resources to do so, but I’ve done well.  Medication, exercise, diet and most of all a positive outlook with God first and my wife second has made an excellent approach to my well being.

That second thing will be questioned.  Why didn’t the first marriage work?  I don’t have an answer to that.  When she attempted to leave me twice during our marriage I took it upon myself to plead that we talk it through.  She stayed, but the contention was too much.  As for my on indiscretions, I am sure it hurt several people, but I’ve found many more than that that told me different.  No need to argue the point anymore after all these years.  I’ve only hoped for her best.  My concern is she hasn’t let hatred go, nor has my sons.  There is no unfettered conversation from the past.  There’s only guarded conversation at best and that with only one of them.

I’m sure someone would say I have ulterior motives, but honestly I do not wish her to be lonely the remainder of her life.  We all need someone to confide in and love.  These two things are healing for the spirit, soul and body.  Anything less will only make for an earlier demise.  She needs someone to call her mate.  That’s not me, but I do believe there is one for her.

My youngest came to Libby’s and my wedding.  They got to see firsthand what has happened in our lives.  What Libby and I have is something I cannot dismiss.  At this point in life, outside of God, she is everything to me.  She and I have long conversations.  We share what is going on inside ourselves.  We’ve both been touched by God and we’ve asked forgiveness of anything in or of our past from Him and He has blessed us.

God recently told us it’s time to move on.  I’ve not been in a church of the level I’m accustomed to in at least ten years until three weeks ago.  This new church instantly became home to us.  I didn’t seek it out by accident.  God said it was time for Libby to step up and showed us a church that is strong.  There are several seasoned ministers in this house.  The pastor is strong in Him.  He has a very approachable heart and he doesn’t mind reaching out.  This church is really the best I’ve ever seen anywhere near here, or anywhere for that matter.

That is no derogatory statement against where we’ve been the last four years.  I’ve gotten to know many good people in that church and I cherish friendships with those people.  God had us there for a reason and a season, but now was our time to move on.  My neighbor is a pastor that came out of this same church and now he has his own flock yet still has his ties in this church.  God moves as He sees fit.

This last season of my life is upon me with my retirement, but I don’t believe the closing curtain is close at hand.  I’ve felt the urge to minister again.  Libby has reached the stage where I find her hungry for God and in the new church we have both heard God speak.  She doesn’t want to miss a single service.  When the worship starts her hands are raised into the air and her mouth is filled with praise.  She weeps from His presence and she is literally soaking up all she can.  We both received a Word from the pastor that we were not there by accident and we would become vital members of the body there.  I believe this.

I could have fretted much over how retirement will be financially and of course I started to analyze it in the beginning, but God also stopped me along the way and put a huge chunk of peace in my heart over it and spoke to me that He was taking care of it.  I have literally given it up to Him to do as He has spoken.  I believe our new church has a huge part in this.  Don’t know how or why.  I just know.  I’m not easily excited, but even Libby has noticed that I am just that . . . excited.

I find it hard for me to let my sons go, but God said to stay my course.  He will deal with them.  My home, heart and life are open to them anytime they want to come see me and spend quality time with Libby and me and get to know how God uprights lives from the dismal times of the past.  For a while I thought it was my own mental state that caused me not to want to converse with them until recently.  Then I find that it’s God holding me from speaking to them.  They’ve got to realize I’m here and I still love them.  So, until then I will obey God.

I will wind this up with something I say a lot about.  I’ve found a love in a woman, who without a strong Christian walk most of her life, knew and practiced unconditional love.  When we met it was under less than desirable circumstances and we both gave each other the freedom to walk away and go fix our respective marriages, but after a while we found our marriages were at their end and strangely we both felt God was bringing us together.  We walked lightly as we began to build something knowing it could be for naught, but after what I felt was a million times of questioning God I only got one answer, the same answer every time.  “You will marry this woman.”  I can only say I would hope others would understand, but yet I know life isn’t so kind coming from some people.  I’ve resigned to that fact and let God take it.  I just know what God said.  He’s proven his voice to me through many years of hearing from Him and seeing His Words bear fruit.

Don’t let life cheat you out of relationship with someone you love(d).  Make it right if God speaks to you.  If it doesn’t work out then realize God has something else in mind.

I have two immediate instances I’ve experienced where I was glad I did go see or say something to two people.  Both died not long after.  I’m glad for having the time of fellowship with them.  I’ll never regret knowing them.

My heart is now clear.  It’s up to you now.  God says “It is finished” and that’s all I need to know.